The Long-Suffering Wife?

Hi!

Broken Man is away at a training weekend for the next couple of days, so he has asked me to "guest blog" for him. I've never done this before, so please don't all desert his blog while he is away, or I will look very bad! On the other hand, don't give me more comments than him, or he will feel very bad. Not that we are competative, or anything!

In case you hadn't guessed, I am Broken Man's "long-suffering wife", although I have to say that I don't feel very "long-suffering". It's something I've been thinking about over the last couple of days. As most of you know, Broken Man is dyspraxic. This manifests itself in what most people expect, the clumsiness, but in many other ways as well - above average intellegence, very logical thought progressions and very poor memory.

We have learnt to cope with these issues pretty well; they are just part of our lives now, so we don't even realise that we are "coping", to us we are simply living. It didn't occur to me how alien the way we live is to others until a small incident with a forgotten laptop today.

Broken Man left the house for his training weekend today after I did. Normally, if I'm not around I would leave a checklist of things to remember to put in the car, but this morning I forgot. When I got home, I realised that he had forgotten his laptop. I was due to visit a friend, but, as she has a son who is dyspraxic too, I was able to call her up, and just simply say that Broken Man had forgotten his laptop and I needed to take it to him, so I would be late. She understood exactly why I needed to go.

I only realised how relieved I was that it had been this particular friend I had been letting down in the car on the way home. I have been in this situation before, and have received a torent of well-meaning "advice" and comments from other friends. People say things like "it was up to him to remember, I wouldn't be chasing after him" or "surely he can manage just for a weekend", or "you do far too much for him".

I have got to the stage where I nod politely and move on. It doesn't seem to change anyone's opinion when I try to explain how panicked Broken Man would be if he had to try to make hand-written notes, and how he would invariably lose the notes at some point, or why it really isn't his fault that he forgets things, or the style in which he writes, which *requires* the use of "cut-and-paste", necessitating a computer.

Many people seem to feel a sense of indignation for what I "have to do for" Broken Man. I wish they wouldn't. I don't. He has his difficulties, and I have mine. No-one seems to feel indignant on his behalf because I have such bad panic attacks when I go near a dentist or a hospital that he has to take time off work to accompany me, so why do they feel that way about me helping him out when he needs it?

Dyspraxia is a very hidden disability. I'm sure that no-one would think it odd if I helped my blind husband cross the road, but they do think it's odd that I will go out of my way to help Broken Man in the areas he finds difficult (in the same way that he helps me in areas I find difficult - it's a 50/50 thing!). Our relationship works - I just wonder why so many people feel the need to fix it!

So, I will sign off as "the long-suffering wife", as long as you don't think I really am! :)

DON'T PANIC

I had a very busy day ahead of me with a big project needing to get out the door tomorrow morning; it was going to be solid work from the moment I got in. As I stepped into my office my phone rang. My wife told me in tears that she was bleeding. I told her to keep calm, phone the maternity hospital, and that I was on my way. The journey home is 30mins. As I drove I begged God that my wife and the baby would be okay. I felt angry; God better not dare let anything happen to them...I think if you are going to try and get aggressive with someone it might as well be a being who is a lot bigger than you and owes you nothing! As I drove my prayer changed, and I asked not that my wife and baby would be okay, but that at least my wife would survive, that I couldn’t bear to lose them both.

12mins later I pulled up to find her standing outside in tears. She got in the car and we headed to the hospital. By now I was as white as her and asked her to tell me exactly what was happening...and she told me she had had some spotting. My sense of relief was incredible. When she had said bleeding, through her tears, I thought the worse. Spotting is normal. By now we were on the way to the hospital and, as we went, I tried to calm her, my driving now returning to a normal speed. When we got to the hospital she was given an examination, we listened to the baby’s heartbeat and breathed a sigh of relief. After she had calmed down a bit I dropped her home, and went back to work. By now it was 11am and I had lost a big chunk of my day. By 5pm I was frantic about the work that wasn’t going to be ready and that I was going to need to work till 7.30pm when the building is locked up. I then received a call saying the client was not collecting the manuals I was working on until Friday, so was able to sit down catch my breath and then go home.

It’s easy for me to think about the scare, the fear, the uncertainty, all the emotions that I went through, but perhaps I should be focusing instead on my healthy wife, healthy baby, and a deadline that I can now meet without killing myself.

Yours as ever,

The Broken Man