Learning to be a parent

It seems, according to those who are part of my long suffering wife’s mum and babies group that children need to learn. And be awake. Often the babies in the group are awake and crying, with mothers desperately trying to keep them awake until its time for their nap. They comment that our daughter seems to be always asleep." Not always" we say, "just when she is tired."

On Monday, a group of the mums and babies go to baby massage. Tuesday is swimming with instructor. Wednesday is sensory day. Thursday the group meets. On Fridays there is baby yoga, and sign and sing. The long suffering wife asked me if I thought she was doing enough with our girl. Is she depriving her?

I looked at our now seven week old girl, snuggled up in a sling. "No", I replied. She likes to be cuddled, to sleep, to drink milk, to wee and poo. We talk to her, we read to her (sometimes children’s books, yesterday Martin Luther’s address to the German Nobility). Do I think that, surrounded in colour, sound and activity we need to go to a class which specialising in sensation? No. Does she need a massage? No, just a cuddle. Swimming lesson? I think she is a little young for that, she enjoys being in the pool - £10 an hour to tell her how she should be in it seems a little high.

People ask us “is she good”. I reply, "I don’t think she has a concept of Good and Evil yet. I have read her Nietzsche, asked her for an opinion on Eugenics, I have questioned her on whether she has established a firm ethical frame work, and whether she believes that good and evil should be determined by an external body, or whether it is the ability to act in accordance with your own convictions. Whether or not those convictions can in themselves be evil, and whether intention and action carry equal weight. She has not provided much response to any of these enquires. She did smile when we discussed ethical relativism, I am not sure if this is a good or bad sign." They look at me a bit confused, and tell me that their kids were very bad but are sleeping better now. Often, after hearing my difficulty in defining my daughter as good or bad, people suddenly remember somewhere they should be and have to leave in a hurry. That’s okay though. I don’t like people much.

We curl up on the sofa, and life seems very good indeed. My daughter looks so so happy..then she cries..and I put her in the sling again, and open up "Ethics" by Bonheoffer in the hope that we can clear this all up..

Yours as ever,

The Broken Man

STRESS AND SLINGS

I have a deadline, a deadline the director of my company popped down to tell me that I am going to make, so will have to make this entry short...

I have just put in my third, yes, count them, third attempt at my dissertation essay proposal. Ugh. It really is becoming very stressful; my proposal is now 1,500 words long – as my final essay only has to be 15,000 this seems to be verging on the ridiculous.

Meanwhile, the mother-in-law has paid for a Didymos sling for us. So ,I have spent some time tying “point A” behind “point B “ while wrapping this huge piece of fabric in circles around myself trying to work out how to work it. The problem is you really need a baby or doll to stick in it to give it shape and make it work, neither of which I have right now. So, I figured I would give it a go with a big old copy of Josephus. So, there I am, standing in the living room, carrying one of my theological books in a baby sling when my wife comes in, puts a hand on her hip, looks me up and down, shakes her head and walks out of the room again...sometimes you just know there is no point in trying to explain that you don’t really view your books like babies.. For those curious – it doesn’t help in working out how to tie the thing, and I can’t wait till I get my ring sling!!

Sling Low, Sweet Chariot

The long suffering wife and I have begun the long discussions about baby transportation devices. Any men out there reading this will immediately have a certain picture in their minds – an all terrain buggy, with alloy wheels, suspension, and, if possible, a turbo button. This is like buying a car, just very slightly cheaper. Of course, being of a financially limited disposition actually this is more a matter of what pushchairs other friends have brought and are now prepared to give us…until, of course, slings were mentioned.......

Apparently the “king” of slings is the Didymus sling and this allows close contact between mother and baby etc. Well, okay, that’s fine, and I can wear it too and that’s all good. So £20? £30? No. £70 for a piece of fabric. Don’t get me wrong, a piece of fabric with buckles, with clever attachments, I could understand, but no, this is just a pice of fabric with instructions on how to tie it (apparently a table cloth is NOT the same thing - I fail to understand why!).

Dear reader I am not the most co-ordinated of people. I change my shirt a couple of times a day having spilt food down it. The idea of strapping a child to my front seems a little foolhardy at best. To make matters worse, you have to tie the sling thing. The knot slips and the baby's a goner! After much persuasion, and the concession that I can have a preformed sling thing, it has been agreed, no pushchair. Well, at least I can be involved in choosing a cot…well, no, actually…co-sleeping. Now I was not a fan of this idea at all. The likelihood of me rolling over onto and crushing it seems high! However, 15 journal articles later and it seems that this is indeed the best way to go…

So thoughts and experiences of it…and men out there having gone through this game?

Yours as Always,

The Broken Man