At a tutorial a few days ago I was told of a priest who had been studying Aquinas. When posted to a parish he placed all the volumes of Aquinas he owned under his bed and got on with serving his parish, not returning to them again until he retired.
I look around at my books, I read snippets of this theologian, and segments of another. I skim-read works I would like immerse myself and wonder whether, if it is deemed that I should be a parish priest, the volumes will go unread. I am an arrogant man, I believe that I am capable of being a great theologian. If I have the time to read, to study, to really think, it is my hope that other time I will be able to develop such grand sounding papers as “an integrated theology of providence and intervention in post genesis Christianity”. I would like to write things which would actually make a difference to the shape of theology, to the way church is done, to the way people think of God. A lofty and arrogant ambition indeed, and one ultimatly self-serving. Is my desire that God be known, or that I be knowing?
I find it unlikely that I will be offered a position as theologian-in-residence somewhere, with my task being predominately one of thinking with the odd lecture thrown in for good luck. My life in ministry is likely to be far more about conducting marriages and funerals, than it is about reading the works of great theologians. Maybe though, just maybe, this is a better road. Maybe it is only after 35 years of ministry that I will even begin to have a right to write on theology, and by then – I probably won't want to.
I know there has to be a balance between theory and practice. That often silence is better than speech, that its more important to learn to listen than learn to speak – and oh it’s a lesson I am in need of. I am far to much a fan of the sound of my own voice – or rather ideas (I dislike the sound of my own voice rather intensely).
So…enough rambling…I am going to go and be silent for a while
Yours as ever
The Broken Man
Showing posts with label study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label study. Show all posts
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Friday, 12 September 2008
The Conference and my Studies
fI was trying to work out what to blog about today, and the long suffering wife has suggested that my write-up about the conference might be seen as somewhat...well "lacking" is the expression she used.
The difficulty with trying to talk about the conference is – that let's be honest – you don’t care. Do you really want to know about a lecture I attended given by the very brilliant Dr Hannah Holtschneider of the University of Edinburgh ‘Regarding the Pain of Others reflections on the use of photography in Holocaust musems.’? No, if you were that fussed, you would have been there, or have all ready done some reading on the subject. Even if you did decide from my description of it that this is a topic you want to know more about, I wouldn’t necessarily be the best person to ask...she would.
I suspect then my wife is suggesting that I talk about the room I was sleeping in – (it had a bed and sink) or about how wonderful Cambridge is as a city (very) ..or… you see, the problem is, I really am not sure what small talk I can make from all this, and even how worth while doing so would be.
Having returned – panic still high about money, working 8.30-6pm in a 9-5 job (so to speak), I am ever more certain that this is not where I want to be – that I would love to be studying full time, that I would love to be learning and with that learning, hopefully, changing. This brings me onto my new Degree course. This is a course which approaches theology not as just an academic discipline in which one can develop an ever better argument, and attempt to answer the question, for example “”Is there a God?”, or “What does God require of humanity”, but rather “How will I become what God requires me to be”. This is a substantial shift for me – not because I don’t look for the application of knowledge, but, up to this point, if I was to submit a paper which revealed a “faith biais” I would have been dragged over burning coals while academics pointed at me while murmuring “shame”. My new course is designed to consider the application of learning not in the presentation of a compelling paper (although that is gladly recived) but in the application of these principles.
This raises an interesting question about the course in my mind as a “Degree”. Please don’t get me wrong – I believe that the focous is a good and positive one – it is training for ministry that the course aims to provide after all – but should training of this type – which requires a particular religious belief within the practical ministrial modules – be termed as an academic degree?
Yours as ever,
Studiously, the broken man
The difficulty with trying to talk about the conference is – that let's be honest – you don’t care. Do you really want to know about a lecture I attended given by the very brilliant Dr Hannah Holtschneider of the University of Edinburgh ‘Regarding the Pain of Others reflections on the use of photography in Holocaust musems.’? No, if you were that fussed, you would have been there, or have all ready done some reading on the subject. Even if you did decide from my description of it that this is a topic you want to know more about, I wouldn’t necessarily be the best person to ask...she would.
I suspect then my wife is suggesting that I talk about the room I was sleeping in – (it had a bed and sink) or about how wonderful Cambridge is as a city (very) ..or… you see, the problem is, I really am not sure what small talk I can make from all this, and even how worth while doing so would be.
Having returned – panic still high about money, working 8.30-6pm in a 9-5 job (so to speak), I am ever more certain that this is not where I want to be – that I would love to be studying full time, that I would love to be learning and with that learning, hopefully, changing. This brings me onto my new Degree course. This is a course which approaches theology not as just an academic discipline in which one can develop an ever better argument, and attempt to answer the question, for example “”Is there a God?”, or “What does God require of humanity”, but rather “How will I become what God requires me to be”. This is a substantial shift for me – not because I don’t look for the application of knowledge, but, up to this point, if I was to submit a paper which revealed a “faith biais” I would have been dragged over burning coals while academics pointed at me while murmuring “shame”. My new course is designed to consider the application of learning not in the presentation of a compelling paper (although that is gladly recived) but in the application of these principles.
This raises an interesting question about the course in my mind as a “Degree”. Please don’t get me wrong – I believe that the focous is a good and positive one – it is training for ministry that the course aims to provide after all – but should training of this type – which requires a particular religious belief within the practical ministrial modules – be termed as an academic degree?
Yours as ever,
Studiously, the broken man
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Studying
With my new course due to start in September (BA theology) I have received information on study skills from my training provider. I think the advice provided is worth sharing in case anyone out there is thinking of doing some study, or is on a course which hasn’t provided some of the information they have given me...
"Just think what you might need to start off studying:
Paper – preferably A4 size
Ring binders for notes and handouts
Stapler or paper clips – you need to keep things together in order
Filing box of cabinet to keep all course materials
Writing implements
Markers
Shelf to hold the files and folders
Post it notes or the like"
I know! Not things most of us would have thought of. I am having to do some work readjusting my thinking to study. Paper! That hadn’t crossed my mind. Writing implements? I was intending to use my own blood, but now they have suggested writing implements I am thrown into confusion. Should I be using a ball point pen, roller ball, fountain pen, or pencils? I will have to ask my tutor which is best.
I have not the words…
Yours as ever,
The Broken Man
"Just think what you might need to start off studying:
Paper – preferably A4 size
Ring binders for notes and handouts
Stapler or paper clips – you need to keep things together in order
Filing box of cabinet to keep all course materials
Writing implements
Markers
Shelf to hold the files and folders
Post it notes or the like"
I know! Not things most of us would have thought of. I am having to do some work readjusting my thinking to study. Paper! That hadn’t crossed my mind. Writing implements? I was intending to use my own blood, but now they have suggested writing implements I am thrown into confusion. Should I be using a ball point pen, roller ball, fountain pen, or pencils? I will have to ask my tutor which is best.
I have not the words…
Yours as ever,
The Broken Man
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Frequently & Infrequently Asked Questions
There are some questions which I am asked on a fairly regular basis, and often the answers are buried in other posts. My apologies if you have been reading for some time and all ready know the information below, but I thought it would be worth doing a recap for those who are new here. I will put a link up to this post in the “about me” section so new people can find this post if they so desire! If there are other regular questions that come up I will add the answers to this post .
Why do you call yourself the Broken Man?
Depending on the day I have a different answer:
I am a Broken Man because of the experiences I have gone through. My parents divorced when I was 9, my father died when I was 16, my older brother died of a heroin overdoes, and I am on my second marriage. All of this has contributed, and much more beside.
I am the Broken Man, because I am broke; I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.
I am the Broken man, because my body aches; I dropped a TV on my head and things haven't been right since.
I am a broken man because, to quote Morrissey, "the things I have seen could turn a good man bad". And I never was much of a good man.
I am a broken man because I suffer from depression. I have up days, and down days. On down days I want to drive my car into a brick wall and it feels like nothing will ever be okay.
I am the Broken Man, because I have spent a long time living in the dark – however – in the darkness I have found a light, a voice in the deafening silence, that calls to me, and a God who works through my brokenness, and holds the pieces together.
How did I find your blog?
When I am bored I start trawling through blogs, and it seems very rude to me to go into someone’s house without at least saying "hello". Hence, I left you a comment. I found you by putting key words into a blog search, or by following a comment you posted somewhere else, or by finding you on a blog roll of someone else, but I have a very bad memory and it is very unlikely I will now remember which route I took to your blog.
When is the baby due?
December. The wife and I are not too convinced about hospital predicted due dates – for first babies the studies we have looked at suggest that 42 weeks is more normal than 40, and when you tell people your due date they start asking lots of questions near the due date, like – "is it here yet?" So I prefer to just say “December”.
What branch of Christianity are you going to be a priest in?
I am training for ordination in the Church of England, which is an Anglican Church. I describe myself as a Christian (when I must), but rarely by denomination, as I tend to think denomination isn’t that important. Having said that, I like the way that theology is “done” in the Anglican church and hence this is where I am.
Why are you anonymous – how anonymous are you?
By being anonymous I feel I can say things I couldn’t if I wasn’t. For example – I can be rude about my church without offending anyone. I realise I am not incredibly anonymous and it would be very easy for someone with a burning desire to find out who I am to identify me, but I would prefer it this blog isn’t the first thing that someone finds if they put my name into Google.
How did you become a Christian?
This is a question I tend to avoid, as in honesty it’s a long and complex story, involving, much like the people of Israel in the Hebrew Bible account, following God for a while, and then falling away, before returning a little later. There is not a clear break where I can give you a date on which I became a Christian, rather there were many times when I made commitments which I then fell away from. The primary place that got me interested though was a youth discussion group which I attended with the express intention of disproving the existence of God. The thing that turned me off Christianity the most was those Christians who said that there were some things you shouldn’t ask questions about and just had to accept. The thing that impressed me the most was Christians who, no matter how much they disapproved of my life style, continued to care about me, and wanted me as their friend.
Where are you studying?
I am currently studying a Masters Degree in Jewish-Christian relations at the Wolfe Institute, Cambridge. My studies for ordination are taking the form of the first year of a degree course at a local theological collage, followed (probably) by a transfer to the Masters Degree in the second year of training. I am training part-time due to the financial constraints on me, but prefer not to name the place I am studying for Ordination with so that I am free to whine about the course if I want to!
Why do you call yourself the Broken Man?
Depending on the day I have a different answer:
I am a Broken Man because of the experiences I have gone through. My parents divorced when I was 9, my father died when I was 16, my older brother died of a heroin overdoes, and I am on my second marriage. All of this has contributed, and much more beside.
I am the Broken Man, because I am broke; I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.
I am the Broken man, because my body aches; I dropped a TV on my head and things haven't been right since.
I am a broken man because, to quote Morrissey, "the things I have seen could turn a good man bad". And I never was much of a good man.
I am a broken man because I suffer from depression. I have up days, and down days. On down days I want to drive my car into a brick wall and it feels like nothing will ever be okay.
I am the Broken Man, because I have spent a long time living in the dark – however – in the darkness I have found a light, a voice in the deafening silence, that calls to me, and a God who works through my brokenness, and holds the pieces together.
How did I find your blog?
When I am bored I start trawling through blogs, and it seems very rude to me to go into someone’s house without at least saying "hello". Hence, I left you a comment. I found you by putting key words into a blog search, or by following a comment you posted somewhere else, or by finding you on a blog roll of someone else, but I have a very bad memory and it is very unlikely I will now remember which route I took to your blog.
When is the baby due?
December. The wife and I are not too convinced about hospital predicted due dates – for first babies the studies we have looked at suggest that 42 weeks is more normal than 40, and when you tell people your due date they start asking lots of questions near the due date, like – "is it here yet?" So I prefer to just say “December”.
What branch of Christianity are you going to be a priest in?
I am training for ordination in the Church of England, which is an Anglican Church. I describe myself as a Christian (when I must), but rarely by denomination, as I tend to think denomination isn’t that important. Having said that, I like the way that theology is “done” in the Anglican church and hence this is where I am.
Why are you anonymous – how anonymous are you?
By being anonymous I feel I can say things I couldn’t if I wasn’t. For example – I can be rude about my church without offending anyone. I realise I am not incredibly anonymous and it would be very easy for someone with a burning desire to find out who I am to identify me, but I would prefer it this blog isn’t the first thing that someone finds if they put my name into Google.
How did you become a Christian?
This is a question I tend to avoid, as in honesty it’s a long and complex story, involving, much like the people of Israel in the Hebrew Bible account, following God for a while, and then falling away, before returning a little later. There is not a clear break where I can give you a date on which I became a Christian, rather there were many times when I made commitments which I then fell away from. The primary place that got me interested though was a youth discussion group which I attended with the express intention of disproving the existence of God. The thing that turned me off Christianity the most was those Christians who said that there were some things you shouldn’t ask questions about and just had to accept. The thing that impressed me the most was Christians who, no matter how much they disapproved of my life style, continued to care about me, and wanted me as their friend.
Where are you studying?
I am currently studying a Masters Degree in Jewish-Christian relations at the Wolfe Institute, Cambridge. My studies for ordination are taking the form of the first year of a degree course at a local theological collage, followed (probably) by a transfer to the Masters Degree in the second year of training. I am training part-time due to the financial constraints on me, but prefer not to name the place I am studying for Ordination with so that I am free to whine about the course if I want to!
Monday, 7 July 2008
Lists
The attempt to get the flat ready for sale has begun to feel like a battle which will never be won. The flat needs painting, glossing, and de-cluttering, everything possible needs to be boxed up, and the carpets need to be sorted out. This process is one which I am not well suited to; I live surrounded by stacks of paper and things which just might come in useful one day if only I can find them. In an attempt to organise things, my long suffering wife has created a “To Do” list, where each task can be ticked off one at a time, hopefully allowing us some sense that we are moving forward.
All this housework, along with hours spent studying, is beginning to take a toll on the time we spend just relaxing, and this isn’t doing any favours to my wife’s self-esteem. As her body changes shape she worries that I have gone off her, that I am losing interest in her. This is not the case at all. For me it makes her more attractive, and makes me fall ever deeper in love. Sometimes though, feeling loved is not enough, we all want to feel desirable, yet my head is spinning - I am, as always, in a panic about money, I work long hours, I get home and spend my time clearing and cleaning, and by the time I slump in my bed all I want to do is sleep.
So, dear reader, the list is a plan; a blue-print to freedom. When the tasks on the list for any given day are done I will stop and carve out some time for cuddling on the sofa and some early nights. For any female readers out there – please believe me, in all likelihood your husband hasn’t gone off you because you are carrying his child – he is just likely to be stressed up to the eyeballs.
The stress that accompanies the forthcoming birth of a new child is not because I don’t want a child – I want to make that clear, but up to now I have been able to just go with the flow – now all the questions of what type of a parent I will make, what kind of a priest I will be, how we will survive financially; all these things jostle for place as they have compete for my attention and time.
In this, I have lost my way a little – and neglected to spend the time I should cherishing my wife. I have failed to be the husband I should. It seems ridiculous that it should take an effort, mad that I have reached a stage where I need to talk about reprioritising to make sure that I have time to spend with my wife, but I will build a wall around us, brick by brick if I must, I will find a way to carve out time from the middle of all this busyness, in which, behind closed doors, we can have some time for just us.
*hangs do not disturb sign on door*
Yours as always,
A Broken Man
All this housework, along with hours spent studying, is beginning to take a toll on the time we spend just relaxing, and this isn’t doing any favours to my wife’s self-esteem. As her body changes shape she worries that I have gone off her, that I am losing interest in her. This is not the case at all. For me it makes her more attractive, and makes me fall ever deeper in love. Sometimes though, feeling loved is not enough, we all want to feel desirable, yet my head is spinning - I am, as always, in a panic about money, I work long hours, I get home and spend my time clearing and cleaning, and by the time I slump in my bed all I want to do is sleep.
So, dear reader, the list is a plan; a blue-print to freedom. When the tasks on the list for any given day are done I will stop and carve out some time for cuddling on the sofa and some early nights. For any female readers out there – please believe me, in all likelihood your husband hasn’t gone off you because you are carrying his child – he is just likely to be stressed up to the eyeballs.
The stress that accompanies the forthcoming birth of a new child is not because I don’t want a child – I want to make that clear, but up to now I have been able to just go with the flow – now all the questions of what type of a parent I will make, what kind of a priest I will be, how we will survive financially; all these things jostle for place as they have compete for my attention and time.
In this, I have lost my way a little – and neglected to spend the time I should cherishing my wife. I have failed to be the husband I should. It seems ridiculous that it should take an effort, mad that I have reached a stage where I need to talk about reprioritising to make sure that I have time to spend with my wife, but I will build a wall around us, brick by brick if I must, I will find a way to carve out time from the middle of all this busyness, in which, behind closed doors, we can have some time for just us.
*hangs do not disturb sign on door*
Yours as always,
A Broken Man
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