On being anonymous

If you had to picture me, and I can see no reason for you ever having the need, I wonder what mental image you would conjure up to go with my words.

Of late, my appearance has been subtly changing, I noticed it yesterday when I looked in my wardrobe. Some things I wore three or four years ago I wouldn’t wear now (okay they wouldn’t fit even if I wanted to).

Back in “the day” I wore ill-matched clothes brought from charity shops, I turned unfashionableness into an art and avoided even sitting in the traditional rebellion camps of goth and punk. As a very young boy I wore a bow tie and felt that braces were the way to go. As time went on make up was added to my arsnell and then briefly I flirted with the whole goth thing, although as my search through my old records revealed – I liked little of the music – I was to all intents and purposes, a lipstick goth. I did try the punk thing very briefly but the Mohican wasn’t a good look for me, and in honesty I found it all a little tiring. I didn’t feel angry at the world – I felt bored with it – and so the goth crowd seemed a far better home all be it one I didn’t belong to.

Next came my ultra camp phase, I wore full make up, and dungarees, androgyny was the order of the day, and I blushed with pride when people told me I looked like Boy George. I didn’t stop there though, I kept going wondering if, at heart, I was more girl than boy. With time, I abandoned my make up and grew a goatie beard to replace it. I wore velvet and stripy trousers, big fluffy coats and went for the ridiculous, if it made me smile it was to be worn. With a step into the world of burlesque I felt rather ungainly in my attire and matched my waist coats with crisp shirts. Now I have the appearance of a gentlemen, all be it one who has fallen on bad times. I love fine clothes – clothes that actually feel good on, and stiching that doesn’t fall apart. When I look back on my clothing phases the only one I would return to willingly was my teenage age years of androgyny, when I was thin enough and had the cheek bones to carry it off make up. As it is, I will take a seat in my leather arm chair, open up a copy of The Chap magazine and hope that someone brings me a stiff drink.

Yours in a suit,

The Broken Man

Rules, Ligaments, and Books

Perfect Parent

As a perfect parent, with a perfectly behaved child I found a conversation I had with a friend who is at bible collage today particularly funny. He complained to me about all the restrictive rules they have in place and informed me that one of them was no alcohol on site at all. He told me that he is a bit rebellious and drinks occasionally in his room with his friend.


What he had failed to realise is that the collage has done a very good job of “putting a fence around the law”. If the collage doesn’t want people to get drunk and rowdy throwing wild parties at the collage, they could create a rule that says “don’t get drunk”. This is open to a whole range of interpretations and some people would break it. Instead they have made the rule, don’t drink at all. Some people still have their act of rebellion and have the odd drink feeling pleased with themselves that they are breaking the rules, but they don’t actually break the rule the collage is really worried about. By putting up a rule in front of the rule they are worried about they create “a fence” as it’s referred to in Judaism.


It is this same method I intend to apply with my child. The rules I will set in place will be more ridge and stricter than I care about, so that when my child rebels (I know its unlikely) they can do so without doing anything to terrible.


I note that there have been some sceptics out there, some, mentioning no names, have questioned whether I will in fact be a perfect father, and whether in fact I will have a perfect child (the wife has ruled out the purchase of a baby grow that says on it “cuter than baby Jesus”). Some people – and I hesitate to even say this – say that babies often just cry! For no reason! That no matter how much you point out to them that this is in appropriate behaviour that they do so anyway. This thought has begun to concern me a little I will admit..but I am taking a firm stand. Denial is clearly the way forward.



Syndrome thingy what’s it ligaments.

For those who are following this bit of the story – and have asked questions about how the long suffering wife is coping – painfully. Nothing much more I can say on the subject.



Books for my course

I have got the first few books for my course through (I got a book grant! Wooo hooo!) and I note that one of the books, the set books, compulsory reading, was written by the tutor…now that is a clever move! A cynic (So clearly not me) might say that this was a cunning way to increase your book sales, however I am sure that the tutors book is the very best one available on the subject, how could it be less?


Yours as ever,


The perfectly broken man.