Learning to be a parent

It seems, according to those who are part of my long suffering wife’s mum and babies group that children need to learn. And be awake. Often the babies in the group are awake and crying, with mothers desperately trying to keep them awake until its time for their nap. They comment that our daughter seems to be always asleep." Not always" we say, "just when she is tired."

On Monday, a group of the mums and babies go to baby massage. Tuesday is swimming with instructor. Wednesday is sensory day. Thursday the group meets. On Fridays there is baby yoga, and sign and sing. The long suffering wife asked me if I thought she was doing enough with our girl. Is she depriving her?

I looked at our now seven week old girl, snuggled up in a sling. "No", I replied. She likes to be cuddled, to sleep, to drink milk, to wee and poo. We talk to her, we read to her (sometimes children’s books, yesterday Martin Luther’s address to the German Nobility). Do I think that, surrounded in colour, sound and activity we need to go to a class which specialising in sensation? No. Does she need a massage? No, just a cuddle. Swimming lesson? I think she is a little young for that, she enjoys being in the pool - £10 an hour to tell her how she should be in it seems a little high.

People ask us “is she good”. I reply, "I don’t think she has a concept of Good and Evil yet. I have read her Nietzsche, asked her for an opinion on Eugenics, I have questioned her on whether she has established a firm ethical frame work, and whether she believes that good and evil should be determined by an external body, or whether it is the ability to act in accordance with your own convictions. Whether or not those convictions can in themselves be evil, and whether intention and action carry equal weight. She has not provided much response to any of these enquires. She did smile when we discussed ethical relativism, I am not sure if this is a good or bad sign." They look at me a bit confused, and tell me that their kids were very bad but are sleeping better now. Often, after hearing my difficulty in defining my daughter as good or bad, people suddenly remember somewhere they should be and have to leave in a hurry. That’s okay though. I don’t like people much.

We curl up on the sofa, and life seems very good indeed. My daughter looks so so happy..then she cries..and I put her in the sling again, and open up "Ethics" by Bonheoffer in the hope that we can clear this all up..

Yours as ever,

The Broken Man

Baby Fears

I have been looking up stage of developments on the web...as one does... I am told that my baby now weighs 1.7 pounds, and is 14 inches long, retinas are forming and brain wave activity is detectable. Its incredible!

Okay, maybe more so if you are expecting a baby!

I will add a picture this evening – I note someone suggested I put a pic of me up as well.…on an anonymous blog this would seem difficult. I could put a pic of my stomach up as well as my wifes...i look fairly pregnant myself...but trust me...that, you don’t want to see!


The sister of one of my wife's collegues has just had a still birth. She was at about the same stage we are now. I don’t know how I would cope if that happened to us – it makes me want to cry just to think about it – what she must be going through. I can't begin to imagine – and a part of me doesn’t want to – I realise a part of me just doesn’t want to think about it


I am so scared; scared for my baby, scared for my wife, scared for the kind of father I am meant to be – as much as I joke about the perfect baby, perfect father bit – well I am sure you all know, I am scared stupid about getting it all wrong, and I am not sure I could bear losing either one of them.


Yours,


The Broken man