Sarah Palin and her Situation

I have seen lots of posts on people's blogs over the last couple of days regarding Sarah Palin (the American Republican Vice-President nominee) and the situation she and her daughter have found themselves in. For those who don't know, her 17 year old daughter has found herself pregnant, and is planning on marrying the father of her child. Lots of the blogs have asked people to comment on the situation, and whenever I tried my comments were so long that I have given up, and decided to post on it myself!

My take on the situation is this:

I hope that the young people concerned are of the mature variety (and no, getting pregnant doesn't preclude that) and that their marriage and family life will be happy. I think that it is a personal and private decision and one which only this young woman and her partner (with the help and support of her family) can make.

I don't think that having a pregnant daughter is always a reflection on the parent - actually *most* teenagers end up having sex, however much we hope they won't, and many of them have unprotected sex - often because they are "good kids" and didn't intend to have sex outside marriage, so when the emotions and desires overtook them they were unprepared. Most parents are lucky that their kids don't come home pregnant. It sounds like this mum was one of the unlucky ones.

I realise that by even discussing this at all, I am fueling the belief that there is a right to discuss other people's lives in this way – and I really don’t think there is. My main feeling about this story is moral outrage – how dare people publish details relating to the daughter of someone standing for public office?

I am aware that at this stage that some people might want to bring up the Bible passage that talks about church leaders being people who have well-ordered families. Just as a point of clarifaction, this specifically refers to children under the age of 12/13, as this was the age at which the Israelites reached adulthood. It was also written about a situation in which a parent had the right to put their child to death for disobedience! When such sanctions were possible (I note, *possible*, not desirable!) having unruly children was seen in a very negative manner. I don’t see that this law can be applied to this situation.

So I ask myself – will my child lie to me? Will they always be honest with me – always respect me? I doubt it... I suspect there will be times when my child will behave in ways that they know I wouldn’t approve of, and so will try to hide this behaviour from me. I hope that they won't...I hope they will always feel they can come and talk to me...but experience of youth work has shown me that no parent knows everything their child gets up to. As a parent, our task is to equip our children to make the choices they need to, to be able to deal with the situations they face and, above all, to know that they are loved unconditionally.

If this story tells me anything at all – it's that a lass has got pregnant before she intended – probably to the “surprise” of her parents – and they are supporting her. Whatever your political affliation (and believe me, I have none when it comes to American Elections!) surely that is a positive outcome and the parents should be commended for it?

On a lighter note, I let my memory card reader at work last night, so won't be able to post the latest pics of the bump until this evening. Apologies if you tuned in just for that!

Yours Outrageously,

The Broken Man

Baby Fears

I have been looking up stage of developments on the web...as one does... I am told that my baby now weighs 1.7 pounds, and is 14 inches long, retinas are forming and brain wave activity is detectable. Its incredible!

Okay, maybe more so if you are expecting a baby!

I will add a picture this evening – I note someone suggested I put a pic of me up as well.…on an anonymous blog this would seem difficult. I could put a pic of my stomach up as well as my wifes...i look fairly pregnant myself...but trust me...that, you don’t want to see!


The sister of one of my wife's collegues has just had a still birth. She was at about the same stage we are now. I don’t know how I would cope if that happened to us – it makes me want to cry just to think about it – what she must be going through. I can't begin to imagine – and a part of me doesn’t want to – I realise a part of me just doesn’t want to think about it


I am so scared; scared for my baby, scared for my wife, scared for the kind of father I am meant to be – as much as I joke about the perfect baby, perfect father bit – well I am sure you all know, I am scared stupid about getting it all wrong, and I am not sure I could bear losing either one of them.


Yours,


The Broken man

Boxes and Pain

Much of the weekend was used taking more boxs over to my mums from my loft, with the long suffering wife pregnant and having syndromes and me with my back gone this meant that we need to call in help. My young brother and a couple of our group members came and gave a hand and did a sterling job as we supervicsed.

I think supervising is a far better suited role for me when it comes to physical exertion.

The wife - while in a bit of pain this moring is heading of to Thorpe Park - or Alton Towers - well one of those kidns of places anyway (I was listning honest) with her work..she is finding it painful to walk this morning - what she thinks she is doing going there i really dont know!

She is looking glorious pregnant right now. Will have to post a new photo!

Yours as ever,

The Broken Man

No News is Good News?

Well folks, ref: "Confessions & Lies" - I phoned up instead of emailed...and the person I need to speak to is away till September, so I can do nothing but wait for a little while.

I have been giving some thought to deleting a couple of my previous post – most notably confession and lies. Now that I have decided how to address it (thanks for all the mail) I thought that maybe I should get rid of the post in case it’s stumbled on by others in the future. After all it doesn’t show me in a good light. However, I think that part of the problem with this “trying to be followers” lark is that it’s very easy to believe that we are more terrible than anyone else; that our sins are somehow huge in proportion to anyone else’s, and that everyone else has got it sorted. So I am keeping the posts up – and will do my best to keep presenting here – (as Susan Howitch puts it) the unvarnished truth. At times that will be fairly dull but I hope you will bear with me.

So then...SEX!
I think it is worth talking a little bit about sex with a pregnant lady. Well okay, sex with my wife, as that seems to be the way this marriage thing works! I find pregnant women attractive. I find my pregnant wife very attractive. BUT, and here it is folks, there is something very off putting about putting your arm around your wife, running your hand down over her body and thinking “my baby is in there...wonder if it will kick.” Don’t get me wrong, I am more than aware that I am not going to get close to him/her “in the act” but it somehow seems a bit off to find it a turn-on to run your hand over your wife’s belly when it contain a baby...surely it’s kind of incest...almost? Does anyone understand this? Is it just me? My wife is gorgeous... stunning...glowing...sexy..but when it comes to bed time..it just seems...I don’t know...a bit odd?

My wife – she’s pregnant, she is...

I realise by now, dear readers (both of you), that you have come to terms with my wife’s pregnancy. That makes it sound like a terrible illness or affliction, which I know its not, and I am very pleased. It was just that, sitting on the bed the other day and talking with my wife as she got ready for bed (still after six years marriage to her I find it incredible that I can *try* to hold a normal conversation as she takes her clothes of!) a thought suddenly occurred to me. “WOW, look at the bump!!! You’re pregnant, you are.”

I mean, seriously! She has a baby inside her; more to the point, my baby. There is a human growing inside her stomach. It’s getting bigger. Of course, I try and remain casual about this, show that I am someone who takes these things in my stride. I drop the internal “WOW” and just say “You, you’re pregnant, you are”. Eloquently put, I think you will agree, displaying all my hopes, my dreams, and my deep love all in that simple statement.

Clearly, my wife, with a gift for interpretation, was able to get all this from that one sentence, as she responded with a little sigh (of joy at being married to such a wonderful man, I suspect), “Yes dear, I am pregnant. Do you want a cup of tea?” Clearly, a sentence which conveys the sentiment, “I am so pleased you love me, and yes I share those hopes and dreams, I love you so much and am so pleased we are having this child.”

Yours ever.

The Broken Man

The Blog of a Broken Man

So why a broken man? It seems a fair starting question. My life history is a messy business and seems a bit unfriendly to begin my tale with woe; if you find this page of interest, then I am sure we will get to know each other as time goes on, but at least a little explanation seems only right.

My life has contained much in the way of disaster. I can not claim more than others, however; the experinces I have had now seem common place. The loss of a brother to heroin, the loss of a wife to another man, money…ahh, now there is an issue..but I am sure we will come onto that in time.

I have lived through some dark times, as Morrissey once sang, "the things I have seen could make a good man turn bad". My story is not one of someone turned black by the world, however. As this page is black and my writing shines out bright and white, so it is with my life. It is written that those living in darkness have seen a great light, and that is my story. While I am broken, a cracked pot as the expression goes, shines light through those cracks.

As by now I am sure you will have guessed, I am a Christian. It’s a phrase that doesn’t easily roll of my tongue, in honesty; in England Christians have a bit of a bad name, they are associated with hypocrisy, and mediocrity. Faith is something that goes on behind closed doors, and what goes on in churches often seems unrelated to a belief in the Divine. My belief is in a God who is whiter than white, whot blasts away the most impressive advert for a new cleaning powder, I believe in a God who shines and expels darkness, who takes our brokenness, who takes all that has ever gone wrong, all that we have ever done and thought, and transforms it into something beautiful. Strength comes not from this broken husk, but from the God who breathes life into dry bones.

So this blog, this journal, if you care to follow it, will be the story of a broken man, hopefully, bit by bit, made more whole. When writing something like this one wonders who will read it, who will care about the ramblings of a stranger on the other side of the globe, so if you chance upon this page do introduce yourself, let me know that you popped by.

You have a right to wonder what you will find if you where to draw up a seat next to the fire on a regular basis, if you make this a point of departure in your busy day. Who’s life will be laid before you? Well, I am a 32 year old man, married to a wonderful women who is now 16 weeks pregnant with our first child. I have been accepted for training for ordination as a priest, but whether or not I can become a priest depends on whether I am able to clear debts accrued through negative equity. I will keep you posted as to how that goes, and will, undoubtedly, write about life as a father-to-be and my training. It’s a pleasure to meet you..I hope you enjoy your stay.

I think that is more than enough of an introduction, time to get down to the business at hand.

ENTRY ONE
Today my wife is 16 weeks and one day pregnant with our first child. It took five years for her to become pregnant, and we had given up hope. We had looked into infertility treatment, into the options available and felt unable to go down that road. The creation of embryos outside the womb, and the “disposal” of those not required seemed a step too far. A step into a world where we would prefer to leave God firmly in charge. So we prayed the prayers of the Bible and cried out as so many have before for a child. When my wife fell pregnant someone asked her, “Was it a miracle?”

It’s a good question. To answer "yes" seems to suggest that those who recieve no apparent answer, or a "no", have somehow been neglected by God but to say "no", seems to deny God’s hand in it. When I sit and think about it, I am certain that every birth, every pregnancy, every breath we take is a miracle, a gift which should be cherished, which we should take with gratitude. Is my wife’s pregnancy more of a miracle than me being able to open my eyes this morning? The only difference seems to be that I don’t often pray that I will wake up in the morning. We are surrounded by miracles, we just fail to see them for what they are. So yes, my wife being pregnant is a mircle, and one that I will thank God for every day of my life.

I can not begin to express how happy I am that she is pregnent, that we will be parents, that I will be a father. I wonder what kind of a father I will be, and confess I am worried, worried about all the mistakes I am sure I will make. Even now we discuss in every detail how we would like to bring up our child, even now I feel a twinge of panic about my inability. Hence, again, I come back to the statement that I am a broken man, made of clay. I try to remind myself it's not through what I can do, through my abilities, my skills – my roguish good looks (well, ok, I don’t have roguish good looks!) that God will work, it's through the cracks, the acknowledgments of my incapability that God can work. Its only when I say, "okay God, this is in your hands" instead of trying to do it all myself that God really gets a chance to work.

One of the things I love about God is that He is a gentlemen, this is not to imply that God is exclusively male, but rather that God has manners. God gets involved in the areas of our life we open him up to, not in the areas we lock away. The areas we lock away or try to, that’s where we have the trouble..

My lunch break is reaching an end, so I will end it there. Its been a pleasure, see you tomorrow?

A Broken Man