Spin me right round, Baby, right round

With a lack of other things to worry about right now (well other than essay deadlines, and debt) it seems that we have found ourselves in the baby direction game. For those who haven't played along before let me explain the basic rules.

For a “standard” delivery of a baby it is desirable to have the head come out first. If, for example, you tried to put the baby length wise…well it wouldn’t fit! Now babies move about a fair bit prior to birth, and some don’t get into the desirable position until a few hours before birth, however if they don’t get in the right position it’s a worry. And we do like to worry. As such, this opens up a whole world of fun in the form of "can you identify which way around the baby is?" Far more fun than any competition in which contestants get to guess how many sweeties are in a jam jar, this involves careful examination of your chosen pregnant lady's stomach, lots of proding and the occasional exclamantion of “hummm, that could be a foot…or hand…or maybe a head”. Prizes are awarded for both creativity in description of baby lumps, and sounding confident when identifying various body parts.

If you don’t have a pregnant lady of your own, may I suggest getting a doll, putting it in a black sack, filling the sack to bursting point with porridge, shaking the sack and then trying this identification process. To make the experience realistic I suggest that once in a while you get a friend to say “Ow” as you poke the sack, and to look panicked when you fail to declare confidently "yes, yes, its definitely pointing in the right direction!"

I wonder if I could make my fortune by making this as a game? Bonus points could be awarded for statements such as “its laying to the left so it must be a boy” or “you are carrying it low - got to be a girl”.

Do you think “Toys are Us” will be interested in the idea? Just remember – you knew me before I was a world renowned toy maker.


Yours as ever,


The Broken Man

Boy or a Girl..

My wife has no desire to know the gender of our baby before it's born; she views it as a reward that will help her through the end of labour, a surprise we should wait for. I, however, am a man, and a man who struggles extraordinarily to get my desire for instant gratification in check. I still don’t go to bed on the night before my birthday till gone midnight, in the hope that I will be able to convince my long-suffering wife that as it is *technically* my birthday I should be allowed to open a present.

I have never been good at waiting, but I do like surprises. If I tear open all my presents before I go to sleep, in the morning I will wake up disappointed that I have already had the excitement. My wife has agreed, that if I am confident that I can not let it slip, she doesn’t mind me knowing the gender of the baby first. The difficulty with this is that of course I would let it slip, I wouldn’t be able to help it. I have a pathological desire to tell the world everything; as is evidenced by this blog, I don’t do secrets. How I will cope as a priest if ever anyone wants to confess to me something truly juicy I have no idea. Don’t get me wrong, I will manage it, but we all know the whole point of knowing something is telling people.. Sorry I got carried away there for a minute…yes baby gender…

People ask from time to time, do you want a boy or girl? Now don’t get me wrong, I know the right answer. Everyone knows the right answer. “as long as its healthy…” You see the problem is, I am not worried about the baby's health. If we have a baby with serious medical problems, I can cope with that (this may come back to haunt me) but when I look at baby clothes, and children’s clothes I am always drawn to dresses and the like. I WANT A GIRL. Okay I have said it. I know that in the world of pregnancy this statement is a cardinal sin, I know you hate me…that’s okay, I can live with that, but, come on, girls are just cuter! I will be fine if we have a boy, it will be great, but part of my desire to know the gender now, is so that if it’s a boy my first thought won't be "..oh that’s a shame". Now sure my first thought will probably be "wow it’s a baby. Bet that stung…oh yes that’s going to smart in the morning" (apparently these are not the comforting comments one is allowed to make to a wife in labour).

Faced with this dilemma, I have decided to do the sensible thing, I am trusting that some fatherly parenting gene will kick in with the baby's first cry and I won't care what the baby's gender is when its born, so I have agreed with the wife..we will wait and see. So, come on dads-to-be, and dads already, be honest…did you/do you have preference, and did it matter when baby was born?