HI, this is Broken Man's Wife. Sorry for the long absence - I usually update the blog with Broken Man's scribblings, but for some reason I haven't been able to access it for a while, and Broken Man has only just had the time to fix it so that I can.
So, this is his last blog entry - it is from a few days ago, but hopefully normal service will now be resumed!
A Broken Blog
Today my neck hurts, a lot.
Today work has been hard..
Today I am trying to answer Epicurus paradox without success.
Excuse my silence, when things look black I retreat,
I could pretend it’s to regroup – its not.
I just can't face the world right now
Yours as ever,
The Broken Man
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Rules, Ligaments, and Books
Perfect Parent
As a perfect parent, with a perfectly behaved child I found a conversation I had with a friend who is at bible collage today particularly funny. He complained to me about all the restrictive rules they have in place and informed me that one of them was no alcohol on site at all. He told me that he is a bit rebellious and drinks occasionally in his room with his friend.
What he had failed to realise is that the collage has done a very good job of “putting a fence around the law”. If the collage doesn’t want people to get drunk and rowdy throwing wild parties at the collage, they could create a rule that says “don’t get drunk”. This is open to a whole range of interpretations and some people would break it. Instead they have made the rule, don’t drink at all. Some people still have their act of rebellion and have the odd drink feeling pleased with themselves that they are breaking the rules, but they don’t actually break the rule the collage is really worried about. By putting up a rule in front of the rule they are worried about they create “a fence” as it’s referred to in Judaism.
It is this same method I intend to apply with my child. The rules I will set in place will be more ridge and stricter than I care about, so that when my child rebels (I know its unlikely) they can do so without doing anything to terrible.
I note that there have been some sceptics out there, some, mentioning no names, have questioned whether I will in fact be a perfect father, and whether in fact I will have a perfect child (the wife has ruled out the purchase of a baby grow that says on it “cuter than baby Jesus”). Some people – and I hesitate to even say this – say that babies often just cry! For no reason! That no matter how much you point out to them that this is in appropriate behaviour that they do so anyway. This thought has begun to concern me a little I will admit..but I am taking a firm stand. Denial is clearly the way forward.
Syndrome thingy what’s it ligaments.
For those who are following this bit of the story – and have asked questions about how the long suffering wife is coping – painfully. Nothing much more I can say on the subject.
Books for my course
I have got the first few books for my course through (I got a book grant! Wooo hooo!) and I note that one of the books, the set books, compulsory reading, was written by the tutor…now that is a clever move! A cynic (So clearly not me) might say that this was a cunning way to increase your book sales, however I am sure that the tutors book is the very best one available on the subject, how could it be less?
Yours as ever,
The perfectly broken man.
As a perfect parent, with a perfectly behaved child I found a conversation I had with a friend who is at bible collage today particularly funny. He complained to me about all the restrictive rules they have in place and informed me that one of them was no alcohol on site at all. He told me that he is a bit rebellious and drinks occasionally in his room with his friend.
What he had failed to realise is that the collage has done a very good job of “putting a fence around the law”. If the collage doesn’t want people to get drunk and rowdy throwing wild parties at the collage, they could create a rule that says “don’t get drunk”. This is open to a whole range of interpretations and some people would break it. Instead they have made the rule, don’t drink at all. Some people still have their act of rebellion and have the odd drink feeling pleased with themselves that they are breaking the rules, but they don’t actually break the rule the collage is really worried about. By putting up a rule in front of the rule they are worried about they create “a fence” as it’s referred to in Judaism.
It is this same method I intend to apply with my child. The rules I will set in place will be more ridge and stricter than I care about, so that when my child rebels (I know its unlikely) they can do so without doing anything to terrible.
I note that there have been some sceptics out there, some, mentioning no names, have questioned whether I will in fact be a perfect father, and whether in fact I will have a perfect child (the wife has ruled out the purchase of a baby grow that says on it “cuter than baby Jesus”). Some people – and I hesitate to even say this – say that babies often just cry! For no reason! That no matter how much you point out to them that this is in appropriate behaviour that they do so anyway. This thought has begun to concern me a little I will admit..but I am taking a firm stand. Denial is clearly the way forward.
Syndrome thingy what’s it ligaments.
For those who are following this bit of the story – and have asked questions about how the long suffering wife is coping – painfully. Nothing much more I can say on the subject.
Books for my course
I have got the first few books for my course through (I got a book grant! Wooo hooo!) and I note that one of the books, the set books, compulsory reading, was written by the tutor…now that is a clever move! A cynic (So clearly not me) might say that this was a cunning way to increase your book sales, however I am sure that the tutors book is the very best one available on the subject, how could it be less?
Yours as ever,
The perfectly broken man.
Friday, 22 August 2008
It's all about sex
I was asked the other day about why Christians go for the "no sex before marriage" thing, so I thought I would put up something about it.
Lots of the time, people believe that Christianity is all about rules; that Christianity sets out a list of things you can’t do that are designed to make you life worse. This is a bit of a bizarre belief when you actually look at Christian teaching. Let me give an example with a child. IF I was to tell my child that it shouldn’t put it's hand in a bowl of boiling water most people would accept that this “rule” was not from a deep desire for me to be controlling, but rather from a desire not to see my child burnt.
Contraception is a fairly new thing; the way we are wired is that when we have sex we may well get someone pregnant. So, Christians say, "look, if you are saying you are ready to bring a child into the world together, then really you are saying you are ready to make a lifelong commitment to each other." IF you have sex with someone you are not ready to have a child with then actually all the emotional connections etc still happen, and if that person gets pregnant there are going to be some fairly major issues. This really isn’t rocket science.
Part of the problem however is that Christians seem to be very afraid to actually talk about sex. I saw an article not to long ago in the Church Times, that said in a survey conducted loads of Christians said that using sex toys was fine, but none were prepared to say it openly. For the record, I really see no problem with sex toys at all. None. If people want to use toys to enhance their time in bed, on the sofa, on the living room floor – then why not? I believe we are made to enjoy sex, and I really don’t see why some people have such an issue with toys – however if anyone has a sensible reason why they are a problem then please do let me know...
That’s it. Nothing too interesting today – but I am still in pain. Other people's pain is the most boring type. My sister-in-law, when she has tooth ache or some such ailment, will inform me every few minutes that it still hurts...there is nothing I can do about it – I have done the “oh dear” thing – and I know you can’t help me but I do feel a compulsion to make sure that other people here me say “oh, that smarts” if for no other reason than in suffering the irritation of me going on about it you will be sharing a bit of my pain.
Yours as ever,
The Broken Man
Lots of the time, people believe that Christianity is all about rules; that Christianity sets out a list of things you can’t do that are designed to make you life worse. This is a bit of a bizarre belief when you actually look at Christian teaching. Let me give an example with a child. IF I was to tell my child that it shouldn’t put it's hand in a bowl of boiling water most people would accept that this “rule” was not from a deep desire for me to be controlling, but rather from a desire not to see my child burnt.
Contraception is a fairly new thing; the way we are wired is that when we have sex we may well get someone pregnant. So, Christians say, "look, if you are saying you are ready to bring a child into the world together, then really you are saying you are ready to make a lifelong commitment to each other." IF you have sex with someone you are not ready to have a child with then actually all the emotional connections etc still happen, and if that person gets pregnant there are going to be some fairly major issues. This really isn’t rocket science.
Part of the problem however is that Christians seem to be very afraid to actually talk about sex. I saw an article not to long ago in the Church Times, that said in a survey conducted loads of Christians said that using sex toys was fine, but none were prepared to say it openly. For the record, I really see no problem with sex toys at all. None. If people want to use toys to enhance their time in bed, on the sofa, on the living room floor – then why not? I believe we are made to enjoy sex, and I really don’t see why some people have such an issue with toys – however if anyone has a sensible reason why they are a problem then please do let me know...
That’s it. Nothing too interesting today – but I am still in pain. Other people's pain is the most boring type. My sister-in-law, when she has tooth ache or some such ailment, will inform me every few minutes that it still hurts...there is nothing I can do about it – I have done the “oh dear” thing – and I know you can’t help me but I do feel a compulsion to make sure that other people here me say “oh, that smarts” if for no other reason than in suffering the irritation of me going on about it you will be sharing a bit of my pain.
Yours as ever,
The Broken Man
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Frequently & Infrequently Asked Questions
There are some questions which I am asked on a fairly regular basis, and often the answers are buried in other posts. My apologies if you have been reading for some time and all ready know the information below, but I thought it would be worth doing a recap for those who are new here. I will put a link up to this post in the “about me” section so new people can find this post if they so desire! If there are other regular questions that come up I will add the answers to this post .
Why do you call yourself the Broken Man?
Depending on the day I have a different answer:
I am a Broken Man because of the experiences I have gone through. My parents divorced when I was 9, my father died when I was 16, my older brother died of a heroin overdoes, and I am on my second marriage. All of this has contributed, and much more beside.
I am the Broken Man, because I am broke; I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.
I am the Broken man, because my body aches; I dropped a TV on my head and things haven't been right since.
I am a broken man because, to quote Morrissey, "the things I have seen could turn a good man bad". And I never was much of a good man.
I am a broken man because I suffer from depression. I have up days, and down days. On down days I want to drive my car into a brick wall and it feels like nothing will ever be okay.
I am the Broken Man, because I have spent a long time living in the dark – however – in the darkness I have found a light, a voice in the deafening silence, that calls to me, and a God who works through my brokenness, and holds the pieces together.
How did I find your blog?
When I am bored I start trawling through blogs, and it seems very rude to me to go into someone’s house without at least saying "hello". Hence, I left you a comment. I found you by putting key words into a blog search, or by following a comment you posted somewhere else, or by finding you on a blog roll of someone else, but I have a very bad memory and it is very unlikely I will now remember which route I took to your blog.
When is the baby due?
December. The wife and I are not too convinced about hospital predicted due dates – for first babies the studies we have looked at suggest that 42 weeks is more normal than 40, and when you tell people your due date they start asking lots of questions near the due date, like – "is it here yet?" So I prefer to just say “December”.
What branch of Christianity are you going to be a priest in?
I am training for ordination in the Church of England, which is an Anglican Church. I describe myself as a Christian (when I must), but rarely by denomination, as I tend to think denomination isn’t that important. Having said that, I like the way that theology is “done” in the Anglican church and hence this is where I am.
Why are you anonymous – how anonymous are you?
By being anonymous I feel I can say things I couldn’t if I wasn’t. For example – I can be rude about my church without offending anyone. I realise I am not incredibly anonymous and it would be very easy for someone with a burning desire to find out who I am to identify me, but I would prefer it this blog isn’t the first thing that someone finds if they put my name into Google.
How did you become a Christian?
This is a question I tend to avoid, as in honesty it’s a long and complex story, involving, much like the people of Israel in the Hebrew Bible account, following God for a while, and then falling away, before returning a little later. There is not a clear break where I can give you a date on which I became a Christian, rather there were many times when I made commitments which I then fell away from. The primary place that got me interested though was a youth discussion group which I attended with the express intention of disproving the existence of God. The thing that turned me off Christianity the most was those Christians who said that there were some things you shouldn’t ask questions about and just had to accept. The thing that impressed me the most was Christians who, no matter how much they disapproved of my life style, continued to care about me, and wanted me as their friend.
Where are you studying?
I am currently studying a Masters Degree in Jewish-Christian relations at the Wolfe Institute, Cambridge. My studies for ordination are taking the form of the first year of a degree course at a local theological collage, followed (probably) by a transfer to the Masters Degree in the second year of training. I am training part-time due to the financial constraints on me, but prefer not to name the place I am studying for Ordination with so that I am free to whine about the course if I want to!
Why do you call yourself the Broken Man?
Depending on the day I have a different answer:
I am a Broken Man because of the experiences I have gone through. My parents divorced when I was 9, my father died when I was 16, my older brother died of a heroin overdoes, and I am on my second marriage. All of this has contributed, and much more beside.
I am the Broken Man, because I am broke; I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.
I am the Broken man, because my body aches; I dropped a TV on my head and things haven't been right since.
I am a broken man because, to quote Morrissey, "the things I have seen could turn a good man bad". And I never was much of a good man.
I am a broken man because I suffer from depression. I have up days, and down days. On down days I want to drive my car into a brick wall and it feels like nothing will ever be okay.
I am the Broken Man, because I have spent a long time living in the dark – however – in the darkness I have found a light, a voice in the deafening silence, that calls to me, and a God who works through my brokenness, and holds the pieces together.
How did I find your blog?
When I am bored I start trawling through blogs, and it seems very rude to me to go into someone’s house without at least saying "hello". Hence, I left you a comment. I found you by putting key words into a blog search, or by following a comment you posted somewhere else, or by finding you on a blog roll of someone else, but I have a very bad memory and it is very unlikely I will now remember which route I took to your blog.
When is the baby due?
December. The wife and I are not too convinced about hospital predicted due dates – for first babies the studies we have looked at suggest that 42 weeks is more normal than 40, and when you tell people your due date they start asking lots of questions near the due date, like – "is it here yet?" So I prefer to just say “December”.
What branch of Christianity are you going to be a priest in?
I am training for ordination in the Church of England, which is an Anglican Church. I describe myself as a Christian (when I must), but rarely by denomination, as I tend to think denomination isn’t that important. Having said that, I like the way that theology is “done” in the Anglican church and hence this is where I am.
Why are you anonymous – how anonymous are you?
By being anonymous I feel I can say things I couldn’t if I wasn’t. For example – I can be rude about my church without offending anyone. I realise I am not incredibly anonymous and it would be very easy for someone with a burning desire to find out who I am to identify me, but I would prefer it this blog isn’t the first thing that someone finds if they put my name into Google.
How did you become a Christian?
This is a question I tend to avoid, as in honesty it’s a long and complex story, involving, much like the people of Israel in the Hebrew Bible account, following God for a while, and then falling away, before returning a little later. There is not a clear break where I can give you a date on which I became a Christian, rather there were many times when I made commitments which I then fell away from. The primary place that got me interested though was a youth discussion group which I attended with the express intention of disproving the existence of God. The thing that turned me off Christianity the most was those Christians who said that there were some things you shouldn’t ask questions about and just had to accept. The thing that impressed me the most was Christians who, no matter how much they disapproved of my life style, continued to care about me, and wanted me as their friend.
Where are you studying?
I am currently studying a Masters Degree in Jewish-Christian relations at the Wolfe Institute, Cambridge. My studies for ordination are taking the form of the first year of a degree course at a local theological collage, followed (probably) by a transfer to the Masters Degree in the second year of training. I am training part-time due to the financial constraints on me, but prefer not to name the place I am studying for Ordination with so that I am free to whine about the course if I want to!
Thursday, 14 August 2008
Pain in the neck
About six months ago I dropped a TV on my head.
I realise that this sounds a little unlikely, so let me explain. I have a very big TV which a friend gave me, and which sits on a stand on wheels. To move this TV backwards, I got onto all fours and pushed the stand. In doing so, the TV toppled and fell on my head, neck and back. This resulted in me letting out, not a loud expletive, but rather, a whimper as I crumpled to the floor. I visited our small local hospital, which said that I needed an x-ray and should go to my doctor. I went to my doctor who said that they don’t like doing x-rays on necks; I should take some pain killers and see how it got on. I was in so much pain that I was off work for a few weeks. I then went back to the doctor who said "yes, it would still hurt. Give it time and it would be fine." That was, as I say, six months ago.
My neck still hurts. Rather a lot, really. A constant pain which results in me taking pain killers most days. Feeling that six months is long enough to wait, I booked up another appointment with the doctor, and was whinging at my long-suffering wife about the incompetence of the original doctors for not having X-rayed me, and that if it was broken and has fused wrongly now there will be nothing we can do about it. My wife replied, “that’s what’s compensation is for – if it was damaged and they didn’t pick up on it you would get compensation and you could get it fixed privately.”
I am not a fan of the compensation culture at all. However, when confronted with the possibility of money, it got me thinking. If I suddenly had a compensation pay out (and, no, I won't get one as I wouldn’t pursue it and am not a fan of such things) would I spend it on an operation or getting myself out of debt so I can be a vicar? For me, its no contest. I would happily live with the pain. Okay, okay, I know that’s not the choice I have in front of me, but in going through that bit of mental/physical arithmetic, the pain in my neck doesn’t seem like such a big deal after all – I have far better things to panic about.
So I arrived at the Doctors last night to be told they still don’t think an x-ray is needed and that what I need to do is to see a physiotherapist. There is, however, a very long waiting list. This is one of the things we have come to accept with the NHS, and we don’t tend to worry about a bit of a wait. The reason that on *this* occasion it is so frustrating, is that my company provides health insurance. The health insurance provides private cover for any treatment you need to wait more than 6 weeks for. "Well, brilliant", I hear you cry..."you just phone up the company insurance and its all sorted"... well, no. You see, while the health insurance is provided as a work benefit, the government looks at this and says, "right, we'd better charge you some tax on this", and so by having the company insurance you pay an extra £50 tax a year. In an attempt to sort out the finance last month, I went through everything we spend with a fine tooth comb, and cancelled my health insurance so that I would save that £50.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Yours, very probably (but with out X-rays we can’t be sure)
The Broken Man
I realise that this sounds a little unlikely, so let me explain. I have a very big TV which a friend gave me, and which sits on a stand on wheels. To move this TV backwards, I got onto all fours and pushed the stand. In doing so, the TV toppled and fell on my head, neck and back. This resulted in me letting out, not a loud expletive, but rather, a whimper as I crumpled to the floor. I visited our small local hospital, which said that I needed an x-ray and should go to my doctor. I went to my doctor who said that they don’t like doing x-rays on necks; I should take some pain killers and see how it got on. I was in so much pain that I was off work for a few weeks. I then went back to the doctor who said "yes, it would still hurt. Give it time and it would be fine." That was, as I say, six months ago.
My neck still hurts. Rather a lot, really. A constant pain which results in me taking pain killers most days. Feeling that six months is long enough to wait, I booked up another appointment with the doctor, and was whinging at my long-suffering wife about the incompetence of the original doctors for not having X-rayed me, and that if it was broken and has fused wrongly now there will be nothing we can do about it. My wife replied, “that’s what’s compensation is for – if it was damaged and they didn’t pick up on it you would get compensation and you could get it fixed privately.”
I am not a fan of the compensation culture at all. However, when confronted with the possibility of money, it got me thinking. If I suddenly had a compensation pay out (and, no, I won't get one as I wouldn’t pursue it and am not a fan of such things) would I spend it on an operation or getting myself out of debt so I can be a vicar? For me, its no contest. I would happily live with the pain. Okay, okay, I know that’s not the choice I have in front of me, but in going through that bit of mental/physical arithmetic, the pain in my neck doesn’t seem like such a big deal after all – I have far better things to panic about.
So I arrived at the Doctors last night to be told they still don’t think an x-ray is needed and that what I need to do is to see a physiotherapist. There is, however, a very long waiting list. This is one of the things we have come to accept with the NHS, and we don’t tend to worry about a bit of a wait. The reason that on *this* occasion it is so frustrating, is that my company provides health insurance. The health insurance provides private cover for any treatment you need to wait more than 6 weeks for. "Well, brilliant", I hear you cry..."you just phone up the company insurance and its all sorted"... well, no. You see, while the health insurance is provided as a work benefit, the government looks at this and says, "right, we'd better charge you some tax on this", and so by having the company insurance you pay an extra £50 tax a year. In an attempt to sort out the finance last month, I went through everything we spend with a fine tooth comb, and cancelled my health insurance so that I would save that £50.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Yours, very probably (but with out X-rays we can’t be sure)
The Broken Man
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