Selling....

As some of you know, I am trying to sell my flat (which is in negative equity) as I can't make the mortgage repayments. We spent weeks decorating, decluttering, cleaning – and finally three weeks ago the "for sale" sign went up. I know the market is slow – I know it’s the worse time to sell – but there really isn’t a choice. So far we have not had a single viewing.

It's not that I am panicking, you understand – what’s the worst that can happen? We will be repossessed... it's not a great thought – something's got to give. But there are also rays of hope – I got a letter this morning from my work saying they have given me a bonus for a project I worked on. We get to eat for another month!! Sometimes it's so hard to trust that things will come right..but I am trying.


Yours as ever

The Broke and Broken Man

Wallowing......

I am really struggling today. The car insurance came up for renewal last week and, while I was sitting typing away at the computer, my long-suffering wife asked me whether it needed to go on direct debit to be paid monthly, or whether it could be paid for in a lump sum. Without thinking about it – or rather, not wanting to have the conversation at that moment in time, I said “whatever is easiest, just pay it” or words to that effect.

My wife duly paid the car insurance, and thought no more of it.

She then went to buy food and discovered there is no money in the account. Don’t fear, dear reader, I still have a credit card which has a little space on it so we won't starve but the situation is fairly black.

As regular readers will know, we are trying to sell our flat – let me clarify this situation somewhat. Six or seven weeks ago the estate agent came around and we were all ready to put the flat on the market, but my lovely mother said that really the flat would look better if it had some carpets in it (we do have *some* carpets, but some areas (eg the stairs) the carpets were in such a bad state that we had to pull them up, after falling down the stairs. Twice.

So, anyway, my mum kindly offered to pay for the carpet and the fitting, and told us to put off selling till the new carpet had been fitted. Six weeks later and the person fitting it is still messing us about as to when it's going to happen. Six weeks with a falling housing market means that this may well have knocked another £2000 of the value of our flat, which had already gone into negative equity anyway. I know it's not a good time to sell, but we realised that our fixed rate mortgage runs out soon, and we can't afford for our rate to rise. We also had a letter today from the mortgage company telling us that from October, we would have to pay £125 more each month on our mortgage. That gives us less than two months to sell our flat before we get into *serious* trouble.

I really am feeling rather panicked. I know we won't starve; I know it won't come to that, but I can't see an end to the debt and I really just want to cry. I am trying desperately to “look on the bright side” but today...its just not working. Sorry to moan; I know its most unbecoming and that I should just be trusting that it will all work out but, in honesty, right now, it doesn’t feel like it will.

Yours as ever,

The Broken Man.

Dress To Impress

Let me first of all say how grateful I am for all the comments I have had. I won’t bore you with all the comments about feeling less alone in the world, but please do take it as read.

This evening was spent sorting through my wife’s wardrobe with her and putting away the clothes that won’t be needed till after the baby is born. This clear-out is partly increased in urgency by trying to get our flat ready to sell. I know, I know, this is the worse time in the world to sell, and I am in negative equity, but I am sure I will explain all that another time. Back to my wife’s wardrobe; It is now empty. Every part of “man” in me wants to say, "It’s not a problem! Lets hit the shops, don’t worry about a thing”. Yet there is not money in the bank. In fact…. well, there are a lot of negative figures. So instead it will be a case of “lets hit the charity shops”. Now I know it’s just a pride thing, that it doesn’t matter, that it’s just clothes, but I worry about what future I will be providing for my wife and baby.

Each night as we curl up to sleep I wrap my arm around my wife’s ever expanding stomach and say “Night baby”. I know it’s ridiculous, I know my baby cannot hear yet, but every part of me wishes the best for my wife and baby. I spent so much of my life wishing I wasn’t alive, and a fair bit of it trying to make a speedy exit and yet now there is a light, and sometimes it still feels like such hard work to struggle on, to get through to the next day.

That sounds very down, very low, and I don’t mean it to be. I am blessed, more than I could ever hope for; a baby when I thought it would never happen, a wonderful wife, being told I can train as a priest! Now that is a miracle! There is no way I would accept me for training, and I only finally put myself forward as I felt that they would say “no” and that would be that. I have felt I should be doing it for a long, long time, but I never expected anyone else to agree. Yet with the flat in negative equity and me needing to be debt free to be a vicar I can’t see how it will ever be possible. I know I need to trust, really I do, but sometimes it just seems so hard. Sorry, down again! Well, I warned you – this is the blog of a broken man.