Lost....

Boken Man has asked me to blog today, as he has gone into "hermit mode" and is struggling a little. Unfortunatly, I've had a pretty distasterous morning with broken down cars etc, and really won't have time....

He has written a little about yesterday, and it is below. I would just like to say though, that despite his slightly gloomy post, he did measure in the top 2% in Verbal Reasoning, and the tests yesterday were primarily trying to find out the problems he had, rather than his level of intellegence. His scores place him in the "gifted" catagory. Doesn't stop him feeling low about it, but I wanted someone to blow his trumpet, because he won't.....

(sorry, haven't corrected any spellings either!)

Broken Man's Wife



So yesterday..

I have asked the long suffering wife to blog for me today, she was nagging me last night about blogging and I couldn’t face it. Not that I don’t love you all (Not that I do….I don’t know you..hmm…will come back to that thought tomorrow….) Sometimes its easy to write about things, words fall of my fingers onto the pc without effort, other times thinking about a particually subject makes my ears bleed. The tests yesterday where okay. Really they where. They did however show what I have known all along – I am not as clever as I would like to be. I stand in the shadow of the greats knowing I will never attain greatness, that my mind just isn’t up to the job. I know we can achive beyond our skill levels etc, but well..sinking right now. I do okay in essays because I work very hard and spend money I havent got on books that no one else wants to read. Actual ability though? Raw thinking power? The kind of mind need to actually work things out – to move a discussion forward? No. I have a mind just good enough to know the questions but not good enough to get to the answers. I am ranting now. I will stop. I will as with all my blogs – almost (you know the ones I don’t do it with they are the terribly spelt ones) send this to my long suffering wife, she will add her comments, I am trying to encourage her to do a blog – and if not – at least appear regually here.

Yours as ever,

Lacking in all originality,

The Broken Man

So, What's Wrong With Him?

I don’t feel too bad posting twice in a day (although I tend to avoid it) as I have been bad at posting lately.

I am going for an assessment for Dyslexia/Dyspraxia tomorrow. And I am scared. I have always considered myself clever. Okay, I know that makes me arrogant, but I have generally considered myself as having a brain the size of a planet. Don’t worry – I don’t like me either – I think it’s a terrible way to see myself.

The point is that I have had a counter balance. Dyspraxia. I have argued that while I might be clever, I also have some issues outside my control. I have ways of coping with them, for sure, but my lack of achievement is because I have "issues". I talk too loud, not because I am rude, but because I have problems modulating my voice. I walk away when bored, not because I am insensitive, but because sometimes things are so dull they actually hurt my head.

So I am being tested. Poked. Prodded. They will tell me if they can find a label to fit. They will put my IQ on a graph. At the end of it all they will make their assessment. I am not sure which worries me most. Being told that I haven't got a problem or that I have. My wife has done a long list of all the things that are wrong with me. It’s a rare opportunity for any long suffering wife. I look at it and think – but I am just me. Yes, I break a few glasses, and sure, I can't remember names...and well, okay, I get lost in the bathroom but...

Wanting to curl up into a ball

Yours as ever

The very broken man

The Long-Suffering Wife?

Hi!

Broken Man is away at a training weekend for the next couple of days, so he has asked me to "guest blog" for him. I've never done this before, so please don't all desert his blog while he is away, or I will look very bad! On the other hand, don't give me more comments than him, or he will feel very bad. Not that we are competative, or anything!

In case you hadn't guessed, I am Broken Man's "long-suffering wife", although I have to say that I don't feel very "long-suffering". It's something I've been thinking about over the last couple of days. As most of you know, Broken Man is dyspraxic. This manifests itself in what most people expect, the clumsiness, but in many other ways as well - above average intellegence, very logical thought progressions and very poor memory.

We have learnt to cope with these issues pretty well; they are just part of our lives now, so we don't even realise that we are "coping", to us we are simply living. It didn't occur to me how alien the way we live is to others until a small incident with a forgotten laptop today.

Broken Man left the house for his training weekend today after I did. Normally, if I'm not around I would leave a checklist of things to remember to put in the car, but this morning I forgot. When I got home, I realised that he had forgotten his laptop. I was due to visit a friend, but, as she has a son who is dyspraxic too, I was able to call her up, and just simply say that Broken Man had forgotten his laptop and I needed to take it to him, so I would be late. She understood exactly why I needed to go.

I only realised how relieved I was that it had been this particular friend I had been letting down in the car on the way home. I have been in this situation before, and have received a torent of well-meaning "advice" and comments from other friends. People say things like "it was up to him to remember, I wouldn't be chasing after him" or "surely he can manage just for a weekend", or "you do far too much for him".

I have got to the stage where I nod politely and move on. It doesn't seem to change anyone's opinion when I try to explain how panicked Broken Man would be if he had to try to make hand-written notes, and how he would invariably lose the notes at some point, or why it really isn't his fault that he forgets things, or the style in which he writes, which *requires* the use of "cut-and-paste", necessitating a computer.

Many people seem to feel a sense of indignation for what I "have to do for" Broken Man. I wish they wouldn't. I don't. He has his difficulties, and I have mine. No-one seems to feel indignant on his behalf because I have such bad panic attacks when I go near a dentist or a hospital that he has to take time off work to accompany me, so why do they feel that way about me helping him out when he needs it?

Dyspraxia is a very hidden disability. I'm sure that no-one would think it odd if I helped my blind husband cross the road, but they do think it's odd that I will go out of my way to help Broken Man in the areas he finds difficult (in the same way that he helps me in areas I find difficult - it's a 50/50 thing!). Our relationship works - I just wonder why so many people feel the need to fix it!

So, I will sign off as "the long-suffering wife", as long as you don't think I really am! :)