Learning to be a parent

It seems, according to those who are part of my long suffering wife’s mum and babies group that children need to learn. And be awake. Often the babies in the group are awake and crying, with mothers desperately trying to keep them awake until its time for their nap. They comment that our daughter seems to be always asleep." Not always" we say, "just when she is tired."

On Monday, a group of the mums and babies go to baby massage. Tuesday is swimming with instructor. Wednesday is sensory day. Thursday the group meets. On Fridays there is baby yoga, and sign and sing. The long suffering wife asked me if I thought she was doing enough with our girl. Is she depriving her?

I looked at our now seven week old girl, snuggled up in a sling. "No", I replied. She likes to be cuddled, to sleep, to drink milk, to wee and poo. We talk to her, we read to her (sometimes children’s books, yesterday Martin Luther’s address to the German Nobility). Do I think that, surrounded in colour, sound and activity we need to go to a class which specialising in sensation? No. Does she need a massage? No, just a cuddle. Swimming lesson? I think she is a little young for that, she enjoys being in the pool - £10 an hour to tell her how she should be in it seems a little high.

People ask us “is she good”. I reply, "I don’t think she has a concept of Good and Evil yet. I have read her Nietzsche, asked her for an opinion on Eugenics, I have questioned her on whether she has established a firm ethical frame work, and whether she believes that good and evil should be determined by an external body, or whether it is the ability to act in accordance with your own convictions. Whether or not those convictions can in themselves be evil, and whether intention and action carry equal weight. She has not provided much response to any of these enquires. She did smile when we discussed ethical relativism, I am not sure if this is a good or bad sign." They look at me a bit confused, and tell me that their kids were very bad but are sleeping better now. Often, after hearing my difficulty in defining my daughter as good or bad, people suddenly remember somewhere they should be and have to leave in a hurry. That’s okay though. I don’t like people much.

We curl up on the sofa, and life seems very good indeed. My daughter looks so so happy..then she cries..and I put her in the sling again, and open up "Ethics" by Bonheoffer in the hope that we can clear this all up..

Yours as ever,

The Broken Man

Sarah Palin and her Situation

I have seen lots of posts on people's blogs over the last couple of days regarding Sarah Palin (the American Republican Vice-President nominee) and the situation she and her daughter have found themselves in. For those who don't know, her 17 year old daughter has found herself pregnant, and is planning on marrying the father of her child. Lots of the blogs have asked people to comment on the situation, and whenever I tried my comments were so long that I have given up, and decided to post on it myself!

My take on the situation is this:

I hope that the young people concerned are of the mature variety (and no, getting pregnant doesn't preclude that) and that their marriage and family life will be happy. I think that it is a personal and private decision and one which only this young woman and her partner (with the help and support of her family) can make.

I don't think that having a pregnant daughter is always a reflection on the parent - actually *most* teenagers end up having sex, however much we hope they won't, and many of them have unprotected sex - often because they are "good kids" and didn't intend to have sex outside marriage, so when the emotions and desires overtook them they were unprepared. Most parents are lucky that their kids don't come home pregnant. It sounds like this mum was one of the unlucky ones.

I realise that by even discussing this at all, I am fueling the belief that there is a right to discuss other people's lives in this way – and I really don’t think there is. My main feeling about this story is moral outrage – how dare people publish details relating to the daughter of someone standing for public office?

I am aware that at this stage that some people might want to bring up the Bible passage that talks about church leaders being people who have well-ordered families. Just as a point of clarifaction, this specifically refers to children under the age of 12/13, as this was the age at which the Israelites reached adulthood. It was also written about a situation in which a parent had the right to put their child to death for disobedience! When such sanctions were possible (I note, *possible*, not desirable!) having unruly children was seen in a very negative manner. I don’t see that this law can be applied to this situation.

So I ask myself – will my child lie to me? Will they always be honest with me – always respect me? I doubt it... I suspect there will be times when my child will behave in ways that they know I wouldn’t approve of, and so will try to hide this behaviour from me. I hope that they won't...I hope they will always feel they can come and talk to me...but experience of youth work has shown me that no parent knows everything their child gets up to. As a parent, our task is to equip our children to make the choices they need to, to be able to deal with the situations they face and, above all, to know that they are loved unconditionally.

If this story tells me anything at all – it's that a lass has got pregnant before she intended – probably to the “surprise” of her parents – and they are supporting her. Whatever your political affliation (and believe me, I have none when it comes to American Elections!) surely that is a positive outcome and the parents should be commended for it?

On a lighter note, I let my memory card reader at work last night, so won't be able to post the latest pics of the bump until this evening. Apologies if you tuned in just for that!

Yours Outrageously,

The Broken Man