It seems, according to those who are part of my long suffering wife’s mum and babies group that children need to learn. And be awake. Often the babies in the group are awake and crying, with mothers desperately trying to keep them awake until its time for their nap. They comment that our daughter seems to be always asleep." Not always" we say, "just when she is tired."
On Monday, a group of the mums and babies go to baby massage. Tuesday is swimming with instructor. Wednesday is sensory day. Thursday the group meets. On Fridays there is baby yoga, and sign and sing. The long suffering wife asked me if I thought she was doing enough with our girl. Is she depriving her?
I looked at our now seven week old girl, snuggled up in a sling. "No", I replied. She likes to be cuddled, to sleep, to drink milk, to wee and poo. We talk to her, we read to her (sometimes children’s books, yesterday Martin Luther’s address to the German Nobility). Do I think that, surrounded in colour, sound and activity we need to go to a class which specialising in sensation? No. Does she need a massage? No, just a cuddle. Swimming lesson? I think she is a little young for that, she enjoys being in the pool - £10 an hour to tell her how she should be in it seems a little high.
People ask us “is she good”. I reply, "I don’t think she has a concept of Good and Evil yet. I have read her Nietzsche, asked her for an opinion on Eugenics, I have questioned her on whether she has established a firm ethical frame work, and whether she believes that good and evil should be determined by an external body, or whether it is the ability to act in accordance with your own convictions. Whether or not those convictions can in themselves be evil, and whether intention and action carry equal weight. She has not provided much response to any of these enquires. She did smile when we discussed ethical relativism, I am not sure if this is a good or bad sign." They look at me a bit confused, and tell me that their kids were very bad but are sleeping better now. Often, after hearing my difficulty in defining my daughter as good or bad, people suddenly remember somewhere they should be and have to leave in a hurry. That’s okay though. I don’t like people much.
We curl up on the sofa, and life seems very good indeed. My daughter looks so so happy..then she cries..and I put her in the sling again, and open up "Ethics" by Bonheoffer in the hope that we can clear this all up..
Yours as ever,
The Broken Man
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9 comments:
SOunds like you are doing everything you should and the LSW is doing well with baby Grace. Wow, 7 weeks already? geesh, time flies... Grace sounds like she is a happy, well adjusted and well loved baby. Just as it should be:)
Lol you guys are fab. :)
The baby massage/baby yoga/swimming stuff is fun - but it's also stuff you can get out of a book if you really want to. ;)
So often all of this extra stuff just becomes a substitute for actual normal real-life interaction. And you're sharing the real thing with her every day!
Sounds like you have this Dad thing sussed to me!!
Not one of mine had baby massage, nor baby swim or baby 101 in anything except love, cuddles, playtime and sleep! They all slept through the night number 1 at 4 months, number 2 at 6 D.A.Y.S (yes, honestly) and number 3 at 4 months! They are all highly academic at school, they have wonderful senses of humour and are polite pleasant people. they didn't have or need THINGS all the time to becaome the lovely people they are, they had Mum and Dad! So I'd keep going the way you are ;) grace is a lucky girl to be loved so much by the two of you, she will want for nothing else :) Love your book choices btw!! hehe
Hi Broken Man, found your blog through arwen_tiw and have also *met* the Long Suffering Wife on another forum. Congrats on birth of baby Grace.
PMSL, that's the best reply to "is she good?" that I've ever read. I was having a similar conversation with DH the other day about baby 'activities'. My NCT group meet weekly, plus they go to gymboree, swimming, baby sensory, Sing and Sign, Music Class, Mother & Baby cinema... I kid you not. As Sarah says, what about "normal" everyday interaction?
Best,
Sam
You just absolutely make me laugh! I love the questions you have asked your daughter. I love better the people who have discovered somewhere they need to be!
And even though you don't like people, you are one of the few bloggers that I would probably enjoy getting to meet.
i so enjoy your way of showing how strange people are sometimes. good or bad for a newborn...don't know about all the action surrounding your baby's schedule. would be too much for me (and i only refer to lsw here, your grace seems not to care much).
love your blog, keep it up!
franzi
LOL. An baby who has a scheduled outing with mum every single weekday is not deprived. It may even be too much; my kids were (and still are) limited by my work hours and energy level to 1 or 2 classes/ activities / play groups per week and they all are turning out pretty well. Holding, reading and talking to the baby is much more important than massage, or yoga or sing-and-sign. Contact with sympathetic or friendly adults is important for your LSW, too.
There is a lot to be said for "feed the baby when she's hungry; let her sleep when she is tired". But there is also a lot to be said for having some predictability to the schedule. Especially for the grownups, who have to interact with appointments or shops that open and close at particular hours. It's a balancing act. You do the best you can. Which seems, in your case, to be pretty good.
When asked whether my baby(s) are good my standard response is that they seem to be very good at being baby(s). Somehow it just comes naturally to them...
I love this. I always struggle with what to say to the "Is he/she a good baby" inquiry... now I have the answer! Perfect!
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