Thursday, 26 February 2009

Broken

I am as ever broken. The forms for the bankruptcy still haven’t been filled and the letters keep coming and the phone calls don’t stop demanding money yesterday. Work is manic right now and I seem to be on a downward spiral. The studies are not going well. I get home from work at 7pm and try to collect myself, the flat is chaos and I don’t seem to have time to sort it out.

Grace is at the age, the grand age of 10 weeks, where what she needs is her mother. When I am left holding her even for a few mins she quickly dissolves into tears, and I wonder what it is that I can offer her. She is to young too know who I am, and even if she did I don’t know it would help. I crawl into bed late and get up early, and the sleep deperavation takes its tole. I need a shower, cant remember when I last had one, know I need to bath grace, and yet the time escapes.

Not coping

As ever,

The Broken Man
Posted by at
Labels: , , , , , , , , ,

6 comments:

MaBunny said...

I've been there. Some people say that and don't mean it - I do. This is 2009 but back in 2003 our world fell apart. Long story short - I lost my job, my husband had an accident and lost his job due to not being able to work, we lost both cars due to non payment, lost our house for same, and then the city sued us due to non payment of taxes.
Everything will get better. The LSW loves you, baby Grace loves you even though she wants mommy atm....
take care...

26 February 2009 at 17:48
Anonymous said...

If either of you feel you would like external help, talk to your Health Visitor or Children's Centre family outreach about things like Homestart or childcare students. Both basically mean that a volunteer visits each week to help out and generally give you a break. It's mainly designed to help the mums out, but the knock-on effect does tend to include dads too *hug*

I know it probably doesn't help, but things will get better and one day Grace will be running round the flat calling out for daddy!

26 February 2009 at 20:21
Anonymous said...

Knowing this place exists might make you feel better, it made me feel better:
http://www.treadwells-london.com/default.asp

But you might already know of it, in which case I offer a hug.

26 February 2009 at 22:31
The Broken Man said...

than you all..and the book shop image does help

26 February 2009 at 22:49
Anna O'Connell said...

Poor friend. I too have BT, DT. Coping with bill collectors and financial paperwork is hard. Sleep deprivation is very hard. Having your beloved child wail when you hold her because you're not Mummy is terribly hard.

All shall be well. Some day. Hug.

Soon, if my prayers for you are answered.

3 March 2009 at 22:35
Doorman-Priest said...

It's been a while since you blogged. Does this mean that everything is still manic or has there been a light at the end of this particular tunnel?

10 March 2009 at 18:27

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)