In the next 2-3 months I am going to be a dad. It seems like a normal sentence, one which could have been written by any of several billion people over human history. Yet as every expectant father knows, there is nothing in all that shared experience and knowledge that helps you feel even a little bit more capable or prepared for the task.
I have often “joked” here that we won't be doing the whole crying thing – I will have a chat. I will explain acceptable behaviour. Tantrums? No. That will not happen. This will be a civilised parenting experience. My world is a rational one. It has a methodology. It takes me from one point to another.
The emotional side of things I have never been great with in honesty. After saying “there, there” I am, in honesty, done. There is a set quantity (small) of responding to emotions that I consider to be unavoidable. I don’t want to sound cold...really…but people crying…it's all a bit dull in honesty…and loud crying..well that’s just bad manners.
So I picture myself at 3 am with a crying baby not knowing how to settle it..and I feel very, very lost and, well.... really rather broken.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am very excited by it all too, really I am. Just also terrified.
With every bit of breath in my body, with all that I am, I ask that God might guide me and transform me into a person who won't completely screw up my childs life.
Yours in fear,
The Broken Man
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7 comments:
If you weren't totally terrified I wouldn't consider you remotely prepared. ;)
just by the admissions of your own doubts and fears you show me that you will be a great dad and will do wonderfully... I did have to laugh at the conversation about tantrums it reminded me of one such conversation with our oldest child...you do not throw glass objects in the store to the floor to hear them break son... he was maybe 2 years old or really close to it and absolutely knew better...so after the SECOND jar of pickles hit the floor he got spanked on his very well padded bottom...but the tossing of glass objects never occoured again. there are countless other examples in the last nearly 21 years of parenting and I have found that you might get better reception from a cat whom you are attempting to hold under water ...You make me smile Mr broken man :) you are going to be a wonderful dad!
You WILL be fine. Every other half decent Dad has had the same fears of themselves and for their child. You will get to know this little person, you and your wife WILL be the only two people who know his / her routine and what likes or dislikes they have :)
It's overwhelming, terrifying, wonderful, exciting and very, very scary being a parent. There is no hard and fast..do it in a way that works for your family. You'll be fine :)
stranger's response-
The cry of a baby.. *your* baby- it isn't really the same as other people- less important people crying.
A baby cry's to communicate a primal need unable to communicate in other way's.. it is a LOT more forgivable.
and I am sure you will learn- like all parent's how to communicate with your child in way's that wont require a scream.
I married my partner and had four children already- when we had my fifth- it was his first- that was an interesting trip. i think he felt rather broken in his expectations as well.
I wouldn't think you cared at all if you weren't just a little bit scared - you will do fine. Since neither one of you has been a parent before, you will learn and grow in this experience together and enjoy every precious moment, even at 3am with a wailing baby because they got scared, or are sick, or their little gums hurt, or they have a dirty diaper, or are hungry, or just need a daddy hug. Sometimes thats all it takes for my 9 yr old daughter to still calm down when shes upset is a daddy hug. They have secret healing powers:)
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