In Love With God

Dear God,

I have no doubt that you know how I feel about you; after all you know everything, yet, of late, I have doubted my own feelings a little. The problem started when I heard the way some other people talk about you. They talked with such passion about how in love they are, and they sang a song that said we should recapture our first love, that we should go back to how things were right at the start.

I have given it some thought, really I have, please don’t think I have made this decision lightly, but if its okay with you, I would prefer not to go back to our early days together. They were exciting! I will give you that; you know how to knock a gent of his feet. When I first encountered you I think I went into shock, and for a while, every time I came close to you, I lost my breath, I could hardly speak. There seemed so much to find out about you, and I wanted to know it all right now, and I took a lot of reassuring that you cared, and you provided it at every step of the way.

When we got married, in a low key service I had such high hopes; I was so excited, but in honesty I thought it would be easier than it has been. Married life has been hard work, I have had to change, far more than I belived would ever be possible. I had to give up some things which had been a big part of my life, I had to reorder my diary and make sure we had time to spend together. I don’t regret a single day of it though, and, as we have got closer, I think I have become a better person bit by bit. Now, that first flush of wild passion has gone, but what has replaced it is a real deep down knowledge that you care. Yes, sometimes you still take my breath away, but also I have found that love for you has been far more about all the little things; that while the thunder and lighting are incredible, while the earth shaking is amazing, you are mostly found in the whisper, in just sitting together, in the day-to-day conversations about the mundane.

I know I don’t bring you flowers every night, but ask anyone who knows me, and they will let you know that I have only positive things to say about you. I don’t spend every day raving about you, telling everyone I meet every detail about you (in honesty I think they would get bored) but every one knows we are together and that I think you are wonderful, and I am always very pleased to introduce you to my friends. I try to show how I feel about you in the day-to-day things, in the things I do around the house, in the way I behave with other people. Just to let you know, though I know you know it already, I don’t need big gestures from you. I don’t need you to constantly remind me that you care, I know how you feel, you made that very clear in a manner that I will never ever forget. Once you have given your life for someone, there can be very little debate about how much you care. I see your care for me in all the day-to-day things; the cloud formations, the job I know I wouldn’t have got without your support, the wife who is just right for me.

I know you don’t take offence easily and that it's hard to get you angry, so I feel safe in saying all this to you. I know normally I would just talk, just say what I feel, but I wanted it down on paper, so that when people tell me I should be more in love, when they talk of that wonderful flush of first love, that excitement of knowing you are around, I can show them this letter, and maybe they will see that for me, the way things are between us works just fine. I think the way they relate to you is incredible, but I am also very happy with how things work between us.

Yours, as ever,

The broken man