As a priest-to-be, it is generally accepted that I should care. It's not just the big things, but the little day-to-day things that as a priest (well, okay, as a person) I am meant to care about. Things like where someone went on holiday, and how impressed they were by a concert they went to. It's these little details that make up the tapestry of people's lives.
Of all the people that I should want these details from, I am sure that my wife should be top of the list. Yet, when she gets home from the supermarket and tells me that she had a bit of a funny incident with someone charging her the wrong amount and trying to explain to the person what the problem was, and the person not understanding, and being sent to customer service (come on, please; be honest, you don’t care either)...i just lose the will to live. Dear reader, believe me, I try to care. I ask what people did at the weekend...I make the small talk, but when it comes down to it...I am really not interested. I realise that this makes me a bad person; that the rest of the world is probably deeply concerned about these hundreds of details that make up our humanity, but, for me, its all acting.
I have learnt to pretend to care about these things; sometimes I manage it, sometimes I am convincing (Wow! A new puppy! That is exciting! Are you going to take it to obedience school? It really is cute isn’t it..) other times I can hardly muster up the will to smile.
Sometimes I wonder if everyone is pretending, playing along, following the rules and trying to show an interest, and as such, it makes me very uninclined to to tell people about my life. This seems to make blogging a bit ridiculious; if I don’t care about what anyone else has to say then why should they care about what I have to say? Even as I write that sentence I realise it's not that simple. You see, sometimes reading other people's blogs I laugh out loud, or I find something incredibly touching, or I learn something. All of these things interest me. What someone brought at the supermarket (unless its funny)…well…I don’t care…does anyone? Are you all acting and just doing it better than me, or have I got the bit of me that creates an ability for interest in such things missing?
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11 comments:
Well, I think that most bloggers leave out the really boring bits of their lives. At least I do...
Well i do care about some details about other, BUT there comes the BIG BUT.. soem boring day to day, not interesting details i just dont care, and yes sometimes i do pretend, DONT WE ALL
Eh, who cares?
I no longer ask if I don't really want to know the answer, and when I do ask I try to listen attentively to the reply.
I am blessed with a rather large portion of depression, though, so my perspective may be (probably is) skewed.
There's a fine line between compassionate listening (the lonely old widow who only has cats for company, telling you about her latest knitting) and listening simply because it is a duty (an acquaintance who doesn't really care that you may have a life to live that doesn't involve their blow-by-blow of the latest grape debacle at the local mart).
It's easier to listen when it's someone you love, though - someone who listens back on occasion, even when you're blathering on about something they don't much care about because YOU matter to THEM.
And if you can't bring yourself to be deeply involved, well...if you can't make it, fake it. I've certainly done my share of that - depression has a way of distancing one from the rest of their emotions, and sometimes all one can do is pretend until it's real again. Sigh.
Where's my Oscar??
You're fine - simply human, and brave enough to admit it.
Oh, and? If I left out the boring bits, I wouldn't have anything to blog about. Sad, huh? Wait...are you listening?? Was that a...snore??
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (sorry I went long...)
I think all of us are bored with mundane things. And , like you said your wife came home with a funny story, it was probably injescted with alot more details than you cared to hear about. My husband tells me I'm a 'fine liner, ' where when he tells a story hes a headliner. Meaning he gets to the point of the story quickly, while I might put in who was wearing what awho said what and so forth...
ROFL if it helps - i really care when i read your blog!! You make me laugh and make me think - i like that about you! Genuinely, no acting!
I have to say i kinda do agree though...wait till the babe arrives too!! haha Everyone elses baby / kid will pale in comparrison to your bundle of joy ;)
I think as long as you genuinly "seem" to care people will be happy with your ability to listen! You don't always have to care just to listen is the key...in my humble opinion!
I have to put the boring bits in my blog...the relatives like to keep up with our little lives!! haha!!
hugs to you, i think you do a great job ;)
I have awarded you a kick-ass nomination which you'll find on my blog
ma bunny is so correct... and I think many times it is the simple difference between the workings of the female mind as compaired to the male... and sometimes I pay way more attention than the others and when I am not... sigh well... you know how it is!
laura
Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment. I enjoyed reading yours (yes, I care about the details of other people's lives...nosey, perhaps?) Will this be your first baby? And I see you have a babywearing blogger tag on your blog. Are you to wear the baby or your wife? If you're going to wear it, you're my new hero.
Way to say what everyone thinks and nobody wants to say out loud. Yep, lots-a people don't care. And that's ok! Because I think we do care when it matters. When its God, Country, or Family we're there for each other.
When I'm rambling about my trip to Wal-Mart and my husband gets that glazed eye look, I've learned to say do you care? Sometimes he says no. It used to bug me a bit when we were first married, but marriage grows you up a bit; now I appreciate his honesty more than his dutiful attention to something he really doesn't care about. Dr. Phil Says Fake It Till You Make It. With all advice, there's a time and a place for it. But for me I've learned it's ok that my husband doesn't care about every detail I can recount (& I can recount A LOT). Because he cares, really cares, about the ones that matter.
Thanks for visiting my blog!
I think we all fake it at least part of the time.
If your wife is going to be a stay at home mom for a bit, you better get used to losing the will to live.
Just yesterday I busted my partner for going to his 'nothing box' and hitting mute.
If you don't know what that means go here and laugh and nod. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxtUH_bHBxs
OH MY GOODNESS!! You are so right! I think I'm pretending most of the time...!! Way to just make me crack up!
:) Mags
everydayplaces.blogspot.com
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