My father used to be very keen that we called him "Daddy", which I felt was very childish, and didn’t want to do. He got very cross if we called him "Dad". He told us that we could refer to him as "Pop", or "Daddy", but not "Dad".
So, the question now arises as to what name we give ourselves with our baby. I like "Papa", particularly if the child is girl – but the long suffering wife is not pleased with the idea. I don’t like "Pops", not at all. "Daddy" makes me squirm. I have never been a fan of a child calling their parents by their first name; I think we have enough friends in our lives, that it is worth distinguishing our parents as something different. Interestingly, in Judaism, part of the “outworking” of the command to honour your mother and father results in a ban from addressing your parents by their first name even after their death.
"Father" is very formal, so I am fighting my corner for "Dad". "Dadda" maybe for a young child? My wife is likely to be a "Mummy"...but I just don’t feel like I am a “Daddy” type...maybe it is a hang up from childhood...but I would be interested to hear others take on it...what do your children call you? Did you make a conscious decision on it?
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23 comments:
Oh good question!
My folks have always been Mum and Dad since i was old enough to drop the "dy" and "my" from them (unless obviously i want something!!)
My hubby and I became Mummy and Daddy before the kids could talk! We would hand them to each other with a happy "go to Daddy/ Mummy" It was never discussed and never thought anything of. We just became Mummy and Daddy (which i am delighted to say our 8 nearly 9 year old son STILL calls us, not the shortened version the girls use). I never questioned being Mummy, and if the kids had called me Mom, Mamma or any other variation i guess i would still be equally proud. You see whatever they call you (except your first name, which i simply hate my kids calling me.) they are the ONLY people in the world who are entitled to call you Dad, Dadda, Pa, Papa, Daddy, Pops or any other male parent name type. No one else will call you it with the love that your child will. It will not mean as much to anyone else as it does to you and your child.
So good Luck in choosing your fatherhood title, I like Dadda and Papa too!! Hope you find one that suits!
gills right...
I am mama and hubby is daddy or dad our 20 yr old still on occasion call his father daddy but usually it is dad, the 16 y r most often calles her father daddy but on occasion dad... but I am ALWAYS mama :) whoops I told a fib when they are mad with me i am MOTHER. LOL
Hugs
laura
I am Mamma usually. Sometimes Mummy but I really hate the whiney sound of it! Martin is Daddy, or Dad (but strangely the converse seems to be true, "Daaad" is always a whinge wheras Daddy is said in a cheerful voice).
We have made sure our children know our real names as soon as possible, so that they have something more useful to say if we get separated - we rehearse our names, their names, our surname, all as part of what we teach them to do/say if lost.
Jenna sometimes uses our first names to talk about us to other people, and very rarely to address us, and we don't correct her. I don't feel the need - she knows our authority so we don't need to reinforce a way of her being respectful that is meaningless to us personally.
Sarah
Out of all the choices you get to make this is one that you might not have a lot of control over. Your sweet baby is going to call you whatever he can say at the moment. Your heart is going to melt at the simple sound of the voice.
Well, Luke can;t talk yet, but we'll probably be Mommy and Daddy for a while.
Both my girls used Daddy until they got a little older. The youngest still says daddy at ten. They tend to not use "daddy" so much when they get older. I have morphed into "Mom" seemingly overnight. I think once the baby gets here, you will know what feels right.
Sarah: yes I do see your point. I was always happy to use my mum’s name to introduce her to friends; I was not someone who introduced people to my mum as “this is my mum” but rather by her name. When we worked together which we did for a while, I addressed her at work by her name. I currently work with someone who’s dad works in the same building and she addresses him as “Dad” at work, which seem inappropriate to me (but probably not to anyone else).
All: While I accept that “some” children choice their own names for parents, you are forgetting that I have had a chat, and that I will be having a child who will of course adopt which ever title I prefer. Of course if for some reason they later on decided they wish to make a change, they will sit down with me and talk it through, explaining their view and listening attentively to mine before we come to a compromise (grins!).
hehe of course... I remember spending days wondering what it would be like - as long as you know you'll never have all this stuff figured out!
By the way, a pet hate of mine is encouraging children to call adults aunty and uncle when they aren't. In some Church circles *everyone* is aunty or uncle, as a term of respect. I detest that view of children as somehow subservient to adults, and as not yet full inheritors with us of Christ (ie brothers and sisters). "The future of the Church" is another phrase that I could do without - why are they not part of the Church NOW? ;)
Yes, I completely agree, and have, in fact, refused to be addressed as "uncle" by friend's children, as I feel it's inappropriate. The wife was rather keen on refering to godparents as "aunty" or "uncle", but I'm not a fan, although I would like to find something appropriate...
My older two kids called John 'Daddy' at first, which they grew out of pretty quickly. David, who is almost 2 now, has always said 'Dad,' and never, ever says 'Daddy,' I think because he just listens to the older two and wants to be just like them in every. single. way.
I like Dad. It's easy, one syllable, and you don't have to grow out of it or worry about being embarrassed when you're 45 and still calling your pops 'Daddy.'
Just my two cents!! :)
~Brea
Thanks for dropping by my blog! Oh and on the curry recipe feel free to omit the garlic... I just love it :)
I'm 33 and I still call my Daddy, "Daddy" that's just who he is. My husbands father on the other hand is "Dad" to his son and his daughters.
Our little one just says dadadadada right now, but we call her Daddy both "Daddy" and "Dad" we'll see how it turns out as she gets older... I naturally gravitate towards "Daddy" and I think my hubby is coming that way too...
You might be surprised what sounds wonderful from the lips of your child! I am with most of the rest that you won't have much control over this one, so I wouldn't worry, and it may change with time. I have always been a "daddy's girl" though I most often referred to him as "Dad". Our daughter is still a toddler, so we are "ma ma" and "da da" still right now.
Which reminds me... Morgan is currently in a phase of calling Martin "Mamma" and getting mad at us when the wrong parent responds. It's proving a bit upsetting for him, but as I keep pointing out she does tend to prefer him most of the time anyway!
They will call you what they want to call you unless you want to "pick that battle." My son called me "Bubba" for a while and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. And I didn't think it was actually a punishable offense (dangit). I just did NOT like it. Luckily he's grown out of that phase. So, you may choose what you want to be called but no guarantees they will actually call you that until they are older (and maybe not even then...)
Thanks for the comment on my blog & yes, make sure you write down all the funny things they say! : )
Hmm, when I was little my parents were Mom and Daddy. It was just natural. Especially when my dad was dying, I called him daddy and it brought tears to his eyes, guess he was remembering when I was little. OUr daughter calls us mommy and daddy - shes 9. I think she will change that a bit when she gets older but it doesn't matter to us. I agree that kids should not call their parents by their first names though.
She called my dad Papa, and calls my mom Grandma. I also reserve Pops and Pappie for grandparents... but thats just my preference.
We went through a stage where she called us by our first names. We did correct her but I think she needed to decide on her own to call us Mommy and Daddy which is what she calls us now.
Mummy, Mama, Mum... all are very affectionate and loving to me.
I love all of them.
I melt when my daughter says: "Mommy, Daddy...she calls my dad (I call him "dad" but used to call him "Daddy") "Papa"...my dad was trying to get her to call him "Popsie" - I have no idea why he likes that so much. He just doesn't like the traditional "Nana" (Mother's father in Hindi). He tries to be as "American" as possible.
Anyway, I think you'll probably like anything your child calls you when the time comes. But, it is good to have a plan I suppose!
Good discussion!
I vote for Daddy. Just wait and see, all kinds of things change when you see and hold your baby for the first time!
My daughter called me Mama and although I"d never thought about it before, and probably assumed I'd be 'mummy', I love 'mama' and have chosen to keep it. Also it's convenient to be slightly different (when am I ever conformist anyway lol) but if in a crowded environment a child calls 'mummy' then all the parents look. If it's 'mama' there's a good chance it's mine!
My son (11 months) has only just learnt to say 'mama' but has been saying 'dada' since 4 months. He was very definite that daddy was called dada, and mama was called dada. Apparently this made things easier for him. Now he calls me mama or dada indiscriminately, and calls my husband 'dada, bubye' (waving) from the habit of waving him off to work.
Your baby will call you something amazing and original (you'll think so, even if it's daddy!) and involving hard sounds probably as these come first. But it is a good idea to agree what you like in advance as they may choose to take their cur from what your wife calls you or refers to you. But almost every one else will refer to you as daddy so it will happen sometimes whether you like it or not!
I go with mom and dad for my parents, but my sister used "mommy" for a while and, in the past year or so, had started using "papa."
I don't know why I went with "mom" instead of "mommy," particularly as she always (to me, when a child) referred to herself as "mommy." I guess I just never picked it up.
If it's Mummy, it has to be Daddy for symmetry's sake. Later on, Mum and Dad.
Sorry. It's the law.
We are Mommy and Daddy, because that's what we both called our parents. My father was Daddy, my first stepfather is Dad, and my current stepfather is Pop (I was running out of options).
However, what you will find is that the CHILD will decide what to call you in spite of your best intentions and encouragement. Our daughter calls us a variety of things, including Mommy and Daddy, Mom and Dad, and Mother and Father, depending on her mood. Our son is 2 and hasn't picked up on the variety yet.
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